Lifestyle with Melendy

a mom sharing her Recipes, Inspiration & Life

self care

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Stopping the guilt

How often do we guilt ourselves about the things in front of us?

The cookies in the staff room, the cake at the party, the cheese on our taco…

I have had an unhealthy relationship with food for a large part of my life. I eat my feelings, I am over weight, under nourished, and often guilt myself out of eating what I want because I don’t think it is what I “need”.

Today is my mom’s birthday. I knew there would be cupcakes in the staff room. I knew we would be encouraged to eat them, and I knew that I would want one. I dreaded eating it. I have been eating healthier options, smaller portions, and upping my hydration. So eating a cupcake the size of Texas was not in line with what I had been wanting to do for my health.

But you know what – I ate the fucking cupcake.

I ate it because I wanted to. Because I knew that cupcake was worth the calories in. I knew that celebrating my moms birthday was worth more than my waistline. I do not want to guilt anyone who counts calories, diets, or overall wants to watch what they put into their body. I am a track and field and cross country coach, a preschool teacher, and a mom. I know the importance of being careful what you put into your body. I also know the importance of your mental health when it comes to taking care of your body.

So – why do we feel guilty when we do something/eat something/buy something that we want?

Because we are programmed to feel that way. To not accept pleasure. To give more than we take. To please others.

I want to stop the guilt – not be a stone cold jerk – but – Eat the cake, or buy the dress, or go to the movies alone because we want to be alone – or say no to plans that don’t work for us. At the end of the day – being happy – truly happy – is so much more important than a number on the scale, the calories consumed – or the balance in our bank account.

So what can we do to stop this guilt?

For me, it means scheduling things I love. I go get my nails done every few weeks- no polish – just a naked manicure, cleaning my cuticles, a 30 minute period where someone else is taking care of me.

It means signing up for races I want to run and then doing them – no matter what my time will be, no matter how little prep time I have because of life.

It means going out with friends once a month, continuing to sing in the group I love, and coaching track and cross country because I love helping others.

And every now and then – it means eating the cupcake.

What do you do to lessen your guilt, and increase your happiness.

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A princess in running shoes…if only for a weekend


Flashback to October of 2018

Me: hey – what do you think about me doing the Disney Princess AHlf Marathon Weekend fairytale Challenge?

Steve: um – What?

Me: I mean it – I want to train and go. Some of my friends will be running, and I want to do it.

Steve: Are you going to train for it?

Me: duh – of course I will! (I hope)

Steve: you know what sure – Happy Anniversary! (Buys plane ticket and race ticket)

Me: Thank you so much!!! I am so going to do all the things and make you proud!! Maybe even PR

Steve: you better train for this! 

Me: of course!

Life: (snickering in the background…) Hold my beer

Well – that’s how it felt. I started training with a few walk/run/walk training sessions, and my back started spasming. BAD. And I couldn’t walk. So I started PT, and I was ready to start running, and then, our family had a tragedy – I am not going to share the details – they aren’t mine to share. I will say that our oldest got sick, and needed hospitalization for a time, and I could’t train through it. He is and will be ok. I just couldn’t train – and it showed.

Here I was two weeks out from the race – with maybe 15 total miles of training under my belt. BUT I had made some huge lifestyle changes. Sleeping better, drinking more water, eating a little bit healthier. Not anything earth-shattering, or unobtainable – just the subtle changes. 

So race weekend comes.I stepped on a scale the day before I left – the HEAVIEST I HAVE EVER BEEN in my life – even with all the changes. 

I walked up to the starting line of the 10K feeling like an imposter. 

Was I pretending to be someone I wasn’t anymore? Could I really do this? What was I thinking?

Then – a video came on about the Children’s Miracle Network – the hospital charity that the Disney races work with. And the emotions of the past year came flooding in. 

I was openly sobbing at the start line, and people were noticing. A woman who was near me put her hand on my shoulder, and said – you can do this – and you will. I was so afraid that I was letting others down – I forgot that the person I was running for was me. 

The only person I would let down is myself. 

I would do this. 

I could do this.

And you know what?

When I flipped the script – I did.

The 10K was easier. 

I really love the 10K distance. Long enough to feel like an accomplishment – but you don’t feel like your legs weigh a million pounds after. 

I was able to run (jog)-walk- run(jog) the whole race. There was fun music, people cheering each other on, and the fun of running through the Epcot countries, and the Boardwalk/Yahtch/Beach walkway. The drum line at the end gave a good beat and helped me to want to move faster – be stronger. I was 8 minutes off of my PR Time, and grateful that I didn’t push too hard. 

The half was a completely different story. 

I was ready mentally – I thought, but- I knew physically it would be a battle.

I started really strong – probably way too fast – but strong. There was a pacer in front of me – and they were doing 30 seconds run – 30 seconds walk. I stayed with them for the first 2 plus miles – that is 28 minutes of pacing that helped me start the race and helped me to finish.

I stopped between mile 2 and 3 to help a woman who fell – and probably broke her ankle. we called for medics – got her off the course – and they eventually told me to go. so I started running again – without the pacer group – and just followed along as others were run/walk/running their way to the castle!

I was still smiling here because I was just shy of the 10k mark. After the 10K mark – we were on our way back to Epcot. It was a long road- with very little spectators, and it was getting hotter. I had my headphones – my new playlist – and I was just trying to run/walk/run as much as I could. I knew I was close to the 16 minute per mile mark, and I needed to just keep moving.

I started to taper off at mile 9. That was my wall. I got up the hill to mile 11 and just cried, I didn’t think my body would make it. I honestly almost quit. but then I remembered that at the other end was a group of women who pushed me to be here – who believed in me – and I could do 2 more miles. I cried through it – but – at 28 minutes longer than my first half marathon – I finished.

Running for me has always been about personal accomplishment. I ran these races for me – but I also ran these races for my dad – who gave me the running bug – my family who believed in me – and my athletes who I believe in. Also – for the women at the finish line. What do you do for you?

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A Year in the making…aka fighting through the tears

People often post what a difference a year makes. But – it isn’t until you experience such a year that you truly understand how a year can change everything. 

It isn’t so much the dates, the travel of time, but rather, the collection of events that make up that year. 

One year ago today, I was just returning home from travel. I had gone on a one week cruise, and then the day after returning from that, I had driven to South Carolina by myself for a training for my business a the time. I then drove over night by myself to get home, and was awake for 25 hours – I don’t recommend this. 

So of course, on the Monday when I was feeling ill, I assumed I had caught a bug. I upped my fluids, took some vitamin C, and went to bed early. The next morning I woke up with a fever. Not a large one – or so I thought. 

When my body was shaking, and my neck was so stiff I couldn’t turn my head, I knew I needed to panic – a little. 

I went to the doctor, and turns out I had a fever of 103- too high for an adult. And the combination of fever, stiff neck, and overall malaise led me to earn a trip to the ER. When I waited for 4 hours with chills to be seen. 

2 failed spinal taps, more blood draws than I remember, 3 MRI, one MRA, and several doctors later. I left the hospital with a diagnosis of A-Septic Meningitis. 

11 days in patient, in a bed, unable to move takes more of a toll on your body than you realize. 

I had a walker, and had PT to relearn how to walk. I had zero balance or stability for the first few weeks. It took 2 months – but I was almost back to normal walking at that point. and as a runner – this was hard to deal with.

I dove back in to coaching my track and field athletes, teaching little minds at the preschool, cooking food for my family, and closing my business. Before it was even a thing – I Marie Kondo’d my life. 

The after ripples are there. My memory still isn’t 100%, and every once in a while I have a tremor in my weakened right hand, and I have one more follow up with the neurosurgeon to be sure the “bent vein” in my brain is not an Aneurysm. Those things are so trivial compared to where I was one year ago. I was telling my family my wishes, loving my children, and having long talks with my husband about what I wanted for each of them. I DO NOT remember most of my inpatient stay – just bits and pieces sewn together like a movie on the silver screen. 

I was so discouraged, but then so hopeful. Medication started to work, PT made me stronger, and I had a fighting spirit in me to do more – to be more – to help others do the same. 

Today – one year later, I am in possession of 3 medals from two races this weekend. One for the 10K I ran on Saturday, and one for the Half Marathon I ran on Sunday – the other – a medal for completing the challenge of running both races. 

These races weren’t easy, and they definitely don’t define all of me – but – they did remind me how much I love to run – how good I feel when I complete a race – and the camaraderie of runners. As I defined on Facebook hours after the race – A runner is a different breed of human. 

A year of fighting with my body – working through the pain and the tears – being unabashedly selfish. Doing the things I needed to do for me, my family, my health – to be sure we have the time together we want to have – those are the things I have done to make things better for us. 

For me

Because it wasn’t until months later I truly realized that I almost died – and through almost dying – I realized the things that made me want to live – that I live for – that bring me Joy – and I made room for them.  All of them. 

I intend to keep running – and find a way to make my running mean more for others – sharing this story is a huge part of it. 

Want to hear about my races – find those here:

And – today – I am signing up for 2 more races – and will be completing this race again next year! Want to join me? stay tuned!

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Surviving

Author note – I wrote this a year ago – and I was afraid to hit publish who am I to talk about survival – but – I did survive – I am publishing today as a part of the story I tell a year out – A look at my fresh memories here – and the recent Memories here -also – a look at who I am here – 

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The other side of Survival…

As a mom, heck as a woman, often times we get ill, and don’t do anything about it.
We think to ourselves it is just a cold, or the flu, or upset stomach and we do nothing about it. Sometimes- we don’t even do the resting we need to fully recover.
In February of this year(2018), I was blessed with an amazing month of travel. It started with the LuLaRoe Cruise. 7 nights on a ship with my husband, and so much training for my business. It was a dream vacation, and I loved every minute of it!
Then I got home, and drove from Rhode Island to South Carolina, for the Facebook Live Sale training that LuLaRoe offered. I drove there to save money, and drove home rather quickly.
I say all this to preface the “I am just tired/rundown/its the flu” that lead up to my very serious illness.

FULL DISCLOSER – My illness was not caused by this travel.

I got home from South Carolina, and I still had mild vertigo from the cruise. Then I gathered a headache, then I started to get a stiff neck…then the fever. I assumed it was the flu. So- the Monday feeling was- I just need a nap and more fluids, It must be the flu…
Tuesday morning was when the neck stiffness started, and it just got worse, so – by noon I called the doctor, made an appointment, and went in. For some reason I packed a bag – Just clothes, headphones, chargers, and toiletries. I guess I always pack a “just in case” bag. Deep down I was scared.

My doctor took my temp, and said – you aren’t going home…the rest is a blur… 9 days inpatient, MRI, MRA, Ct, X-ray, 2 Spinal Taps, Gallons of blood (or so it felt), crappy hospital food,  basic TV, missed Track events, hours alone, 3 days of isolation, Home with a walker, and home confinement,  no driving,  4 meds,  learning how to walk, trying to be a mom, rebuilding my business, self care, and being a wife, a friend, a sister, a daughter…I almost died…

I almost died…

That is the hardest thing to think about – because to me – I was just in pain. As each scan happened, incidental things would show up, blood work had a few flags. Nothing scary came back – in the end – Meningitis – which would have killed me if I had stayed on the couch and believed it was just the flu.

Now I don’t write this to scare you – but to talk about how surviving this scary ordeal was something I had to embrace. I had to admit I was sick, Admit I needed help, Go through the scans, and tests, and USE the freaking walker, and Allow all of our friends and family to bring us food, and I had to follow doctors orders and rest. For a month I was in bed by 6, and walking up and down the stairs was exhausting. I am now just over two months into recovery – two months into my new life, and I have discovered that survival, recovery, listening, take time.

My mindset was “It isn’t cancer. or It isn’t an aneurysm, or it wasn’t a car accident…But the reality is – I had to accept that I was sick, that I survived, and that I am in recovery.

What have you survived, and how did you recover?  What would you suggest to others to help them cope?

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A Numbers Game

What do numbers mean to you

Numbers

What are these little things we see everywhere?

Numbers

They create a sense of accomplishment,

A sense of self

A sense of self worth.

Value

Place

Location

Numbers define our lives more than we realize.

Our income

Our debt

Our giving

They define our self

Our weight

Our height

Our clothing size

They define our home

How much

What area

How many rooms

They define our accomplishments

What place

What grade point average

How many followers we have

How many likes we get.

But why do we give numbers so much worth in our lives?

 

Because we learn to from the moment we are born. As a mother, I can remember the first questions I would be asked about my pregnancies. What is your due date? How far along? How many weeks? How long until you know the gender? How many are there? How many will you have? All of these questions require a value, a number.

Then, once you have your child, the first things people want to know about a baby are their height and weight. (Numbers)

Then time and date (numbers)

Then weeks/months/years (numbers)

How many words? (Numbers)

We are measured by numbers from the very beginning. We learn that these numbers hold value. They define who we are. People see us as the skinny or fat baby, the tall or short child, the rich or poor person based on numbers.

 

We try so hard to change these numbers. To make them different. To make them better. Being better or best means having the highest or the lowest number (depending on what you are talking about). Being better or the best means comparing yourself to others. We should always caution ourselves from being too quick to compare ourselves to others. When we do that to our children we can create a world of hurt.

As a mom, I often find myself saying that the first or the second or the third child did x, y, or z at such and such an age. Then, I find myself saying this to another parent when we compare our children. It is like a three ring circus of “well, my child was walking at 10 months old. How about yours?” And “Oh! Well, my child could read at the age of 2.” Followed quickly by an occasional, “Well, my child was playing Mozart at three.” And so on. It really makes me sad to think I have done that about and to my children. I Am trying not to do that anymore. I try to use names and their character to describe them, but sometimes that is hard in a society of numbers.

Motherhood and life are filled with so many numbers. At one point in my own life running seemed like a good idea. How hard could it be, right? So, I signed up for a 5K. I never practiced, never warmed up, and just showed up to run. I came in last place. It took me 47 minutes to run that 5K and it was the most grueling 47 minutes of my life. Those numbers have improved drastically over time with focus, practice, and dedication.

Why did that bother me? Because I let that get to me. I let those numbers give me value. I have learned that those numbers only hold value in that they pushed me to run faster and farther, and to understand that it takes practice to improve my running numbers.

As parents we wanted to choose a sport for our boys that would help them find their values: hard work, dedication, teamwork, good sportsmanship, etc.. The sport we chose for them is all about the numbers : track and field.Aaron Running

Talk about numbers, this sport is about how fast, what place, and how far. We chose it because the one thing I did learn from that race was that I could better myself from that time. Track & Field is a sport that doesn’t compare you to someone else. Well, it doesn’t if you do it right. As coaches and parents we are constantly telling our runners to do THEIR best. Not to worry about the other runner’s best, but to focus on what they can do to beat themselves. We push them in practice to stretch, run, jump and throw better every time. This dedication has lead to personal bests for many of our runners, and even a showing at the Junior Olympics.

The numbers here show our runners that they have grown. That their hard work is paying off. That dedication and focus will lead to great rewards. This lesson is not just for running or jumping or throwing, but it will play out in life.

If they focus on the task at hand, do what they have learned to do and dedicate themselves to it, they will find that they are capable of growing at any task.

Numbers. They mean so much, but also, so little.

Love yourself!A number can never compare to the worth a person feels inside. The sense of accomplishment and wonder someone feels as they rise above a challenge and grow from it. No number can ever replace that feeling.

So I challenge you. Move forward with fewer numbers. Credit yourself for what you can do, and find your non-number worth. What makes you fully you? How do you find your non-number worth? For me, it is how happy my children are, what they believe they can do, the joy in my marriage, and what I know I am capable of. Numbers do not need to define any of that!

be free to love yourself for you

Leave a comment and help others find ways to find their worth as well

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Body Shape – How to dress for yours!

Body Shape
Do you know what yours is?
Do you often wonder how to dress for your body shape? I often wondered as well, so I did some research, and discovered what I “Should” wear for my body type. I discovered I was often wearing things that didn’t work for my body type, and that was what was leading me to be frustrated!
I decided that If I was struggling others were too!
So here is a sample of the information I found. I created graphics for you to better see the information up close and personal!
These body shapes are just a few – but are a general overall sample of what to wear, specifically from the brand that i offer. LuLaRoe can be seen as simple fashion – but it is very easy to dress it up, and find something that works for every body type! I have the body shapes listed here, as well as an example of a LuLaRoe outfit that works for that shape! What Shape are you?

A Pear Shaped body:
Pear Shape

A Carrot Shaped Body:
carrot shape

 

A Rectangle Shaped Body:
rectangle shape

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

An Apple Shaped Body:
Apple Shape
An Hourglass Shaped body:
Hourglas Shape

What is your favorite Look? What style would you want to add to your closet?
Do you need help with your Body Shape and how to style it? I would love to help you find the perfect outfit for you!
Just head on over to my Group, and you will find all of my resources for helping you to style your body!
Thank you for checking in!

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To Pinterest or not to Pinterest?

We have most likely all found Pinterest.

My mom uses Pinterest, My dad uses it, My husband is using it to finish our basement. I use it – for many purposes, but I often pin with no intention of actually using those pins. In the words of a friend – Pinterest is an Online Life – One we usually wish we had. Workouts we won’t do, outfits we won’t wear, drinks we won’t make, crafts that are too messy, and food we won’t cook. Reality is – we want to, but we won’t.
After hearing this, I decided to take action. I looked at my Pinterest boards, and found one workout that I thought I could do daily, and several recipes that I wanted to try.

I decided to Use my Pins to actually make some changes!

First – I decided to do a plank Challenge for my workouts – since Steve and I are cruising soon, I am very conscious of my waistline.   I am about 10 days in, and I am seeing and feeling some results. Let’s see where I land on Port day! I am also going to the Gym Daily and doing about 50 minutes of Cardio, combined with healthier eating – I am not down pounds yet, but inches are melting off! Yay for small successes!

Now for recipes

I found several Low carb recipes, and some even looked appetizing! I looked at our week, and I decided that with a low impact week, we were going to try these out. (Be on the lookout for how these went over the next few days!) Here are the recipes that I am in love with for this week.

Monday: – Spaghetti Squash and herb butter lobster!
Tuesday – Steak tips with Zucchini AuGratin
Wednesday – Spinach and Mozzarella Stuffed Chicken breast and Arugula salad

I will be back daily to update you on each recipe, and, what I would do differently!
Want to see the recipes I Pinned on Pinterest?
Follow me and my boards!
And be sure to check back here for how these recipes turned out!

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Self-ish or self care? You decide!

do it 2018Self care starts with realizing your worth.

In today’s society where we have everything at our fingertips we often feel a sense of needing to accomplish it all at once. Self care can often take a back seat to our lives. Sometimes we push ourselves to the bottom of the list.

We don’t drink enough water.

We skip the gym.

We eat fast food.

We don’t make the phone call.

We skip doctors appointments.

We ignore a symptom.

We don’t read the book.

Why do we do these things? Because we live in a world of right now, most important, have to be done tasks. We live in a place where we literally are never out of touch. There is nowhere to hide. Our phones are our portable offices, and we spend a lot of time feeling guilty about where we spend our time.

Stopping to take care of ourselves can be seen as selfish. Time at the gym while your husband/wife makes dinner, spending time on a hobby instead of answering an email, a night out with friends while your children stay with the in-laws. These things are hard to balance, and hard to explain to ourselves when the world around us says, be ready, get your work done, be available, everything is an emergency.

You know what- I want to change that name- it isn’t selfish, it is self worth.

We don’t drink enough water.    Your body needs water to function

We skip the gym. You body needs physical movement to keep working.

We eat fast food. Food is fuel. We shouldn’t deprive our bodies or feed it junk

We don’t make the phone call. Our relationships keep our emotional health happy.

We skip doctors appointments.  Regular visits with the doctor help us to be on top of our health

We ignore a symptom. Symptoms are a signal – we need to follow through.

We don’t read the book.  Books help us explore our world, our self, or escape reality for a moment of time.

The reality is that the guilt we feel when taking the time to do things for ourselves is placed there by how we think others feel about us. About or decisions, as parents, business people, athletes, lovers, women/men, daughters /sons,

Why do we care so much? The world we live in is a world that values our Social Media standing over our self worth standing. We need to take back self care – Go to the gym, read the book, go on the date, call your friends, listen to the symptoms, get your check ups, and even spoil yourself with a massage, your nails, your hair, whatever makes you feel better about you! Self care is so not selfish, and it is necessary for you to grow.

….

I challenge you to pick one piece of self care that you wish you had in your life right now, and then Set goals to make it a reality. Feel free to comment here to dd some accountability!

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Hydration – Why we need it – and a challenge.

Proper hydration is one of the easiest health factors we can control.
We all know that the standard for water intake is 8-8oz glasses of water a day.
If you are looking to loose weight  that number changes. The standard is half an ounce to an ounce of water for every pound you weigh. I am WAY under hydrating for that number. Why more for loosing weight? Because we need to flush out the toxins in our body that happen when we are exercising more, and eating healthier.
Why is it so hard to maintain that appropriate level of hydration, and what can we do to fix that?

For me – one of my biggest motivators for getting something accomplished is having an accountability partner. If I am accountable to someone, I am more likely to complete that task. This is why, when my LuLaRoe Facebook group concurred with me that hydration was a big problem for them, I decided to start a hydration challenge.

Today will be set up – determine how much water you need to drink each day, and then make a plan. I have found that when I write a goal down, and then tell someone, I am more likely to complete that goal!
As the challenge goes on, The goal will be to see that it is easy to hydrate with a plan.

As a reward – well, you will have to come back and see – but I hope that this challenge will give people a chance to come together as a community, and take steps towards self care.

What are you doing for self care? Do you want to join in my hydration challenge? just sign up for my email list here!
https://melendyandsteve.com/water

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Be proud of who you are, and what you do

Proud to Edit to add – I have since left my LuLaRoe business. I loved what I did, but had some family issues that left me unable to maintain the level of business we were at. The premise of this article rings true – what ever you do – have pride in who you are and how hard you work!
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When you were a child do you remember getting a sticker on your paper? Or a smiley face drawn on by the teacher? How did you feel? You were proud! As we get older, we are taught to be humble, to be kind, and not to boast. Is it truly boasting though if you are doing something that makes you feel good?

track
Steve and I had the experience of coaching some amazing athletes at track and field this season. It is always pride filing to watch these youth go from fear to belief in themselves. We give them the tools to do what they have the physical ability to do, and they soar. Several of our athletes qualify for the National level of the Junior Olympics this year, and it was humbling. The biggest thing we did as a team was to win a local meet. This meet is regional and teams from all over the area come to compete. It was exciting to watch our athletes reach PR’s, do things they hadn’t before, and be proud of their work!

In our day to day life – we work our LuLaRoe business together. We are having much success, and enjoy the work that we do. Why is it that I have a hard time talking about this success? I want others to know that this woman who disliked everything about herself a year ago has found out how to love herself because of the work she is doing with LuLaRoe. I found myself “Turtleing” when people ask what I do, or how it is going. You know – when you pull your head into your neck and round your shoulders.

I don’t do that anymore – or at least I try not to. It turns out that the sales figures I have, and the work I am doing puts me in the top 1% of the company. I didn’t know that, I assumed I was average, I assumed others were doing it the same or better. you know what they say about assumptions.  I was setting personal PR’s, but I was also creating a sustainable business and keeping it to myself. That helps no one!

lularoe retailer

Today I am making a change. I am choosing to be proud of the work I am doing, and to share that with others. Someone else could benefit from my success story, and I don’t want to take that away from them.
So I will share. I will tell people about my success, and what the benefit is for my family, because I can do this, and stay humble, and possibly change a life all at the same time.

What can you share? How could it help someone else? Will you share?