self care

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January 20, 2020 By Melendy Johnson Leave a Comment

Meal prep for my mind

Meal Prep used to be two words I didn’t like…

But lately life got messy. I am back in school full time, still teaching, and my husband’s work travel increased a lot.
I found myself eating fast food in the car between teaching and classes, and feeling sick all the time.

Something needed to change.

I did something I am really proud of – I didn’t judge myself for the choices I made – I just decided I needed to make new choices.

I reached out to one of my fellow Coaches, and I said – I need your help. She put the work in my hands, and the ownership of the plan in my hands – but she guided me into it with love, and a gentle non-judgmental spirit.

I am not in this to be a supermodel. All I want is a healthier body that I can depend on. I am a vocal singing major in college, and I am on my feet 12 hours a day singing, play an instrument, learning, walking to and from classes – I needed to fuel my body better.

When you don’t worry about anyone- and find you – you have joy!

I now prep all food on Saturday – Three hours, me with my headphones, some new Netflix show, and the entire kitchen and tons of containers. I follow the guidelines for carb/protein/fat/fruits/vegetables she gave me, and I create food I want to eat.

I don’t crave the junk food – and meal prep means that I even go out with friends and can find something that I want that fits in my new eating habits.

Time

Planning

Meal Prep

Self realization

I am not my body – but I need my body to work, and It wasn’t working the way I was treating it. It was time to change – and the change was good…so far.

more princess to come — I have a month to be ready…

Now – Now to get back on the road and running.

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July 27, 2019 By Melendy Johnson Leave a Comment

How I organize the Chaos at home when My Husband Travels for work

Organize your days

Organizing – If you are like me – you are a mom, and you have someone in your life whom you raise the children with. If you don’t – you may not need this post – but I welcome any advice you can offer.

I find that often when my Husband travels the house turns into Chaos. It has been several years – and we have learned a thing or two, so I thought I would share these tips with you!

1. Set expectations

I always make sure that before my husband or I leave for a trip – there is a conversation with the children Where we are going, how long we will be gone, and what we are traveling for. Honesty is always a good policy – and when the boys know what to expect there is less chaos.

2. Organize using lists

Packing lists
schedule lists
to do lists
I find that especially over the summer – if there is a “to do” list for the boys, then I can leave before they wake up to go to work, and they know what is expected. the lists include: chores, small tasks, personal goals, reading, instrument practice, walking the dog, and eating. yes – eating. Because their clocks get off during the summer, and they often forget to eat.

3. Lower your Expectations

I can remember when we were younger and Steve would travel for work. My mental health would take a huge hit. I would set self imposed goals of – the house will look 100% different, we will have cleaned everything top to bottom, and the boys will have twelve course meals three times a day…
Those things never happened of course – and I always felt like a failure.
Here is what mattered – The children were fed, all schedules were kept, and no-one was lost or injured. I started to realize that my self imposed check lists were too demanding of my mental and physical health.

the boys love to make rock towers at the ocean

4. Have fun

When my husband travels it means I am doing the things I do – and the things he does. This means always going – and I realized that these “mom only” moments were fleeting, and I needed to capitalize on time with my children. I started to make time for video games, favorite foods, or just conversations. organize a list of things your children want to do with you. This way, when one of you is away – the other knows how to heighten engagement without overwhelming yourself.

5. Shop before – and organize your meals

No one wants to go to the grocery store with one, two, or three kids. (ok – some do – but, I like to stroll and look for the exact thing) If you do – please know – I envy you!
I write out a loose plan of meals before a work trip – three to four meals and all of the ingredients – plus breakfast and lunch supplies. Organizing a list makes having all of it on hand before the trip means that the at home parent has what they need – and can prepare when the time allows. I love to use Pinterest to find new recipes for these times! Also – planning ahead prevents eating “whatever” is in the house, and helps you stay on budget. We also plan a “takeout” night to allow for the fun factor.

6. Relax

Always make sure that the things are done early so that you can have an hour to yourself a day. When you are the sole caretaker who is used to a partner in life – it can be hard to remember to breathe. There is no one to tag you out – no one to talk to the child who is back talking – no one to confide in. Take the time – before they wake – after they sleep – take the time. It isn’t selfish – it is necessary.

7. Plan time together when the trip is over

When you are used to two people running a household, doing it alone can feel completely overwhelming. I have been doing this for over 10 years, but – that doesn’t mean it is easy. SO – we are sure to organize our schedules and plan time before and after a work trip. Time alone, or with friends, or together – but we plan it in. This way there is no excuse not to do it!

So – How do you organize your time apart? Share your tips here!

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July 15, 2019 By Melendy Johnson 1 Comment

Beach Day Quotes – My favorite phrases about my favorite place

Beach Day Quotes

My favorite place is the beach. I love to sit, watch the waves, talk with friends and family. I love the feel of the waves on the toes, and the pull of the current as the waves roll in. Words also have a very strong pull on me, and quotes especially are a huge part of my calmness of my soul. I wanted to share some of my favorite beach day quotes with you.

the sea casts its spell — The spell of the sea is all encompassing. It helps you to calm, to remember your youth, and to feel like you are a part of something.

Do you ever have moments where you are afraid to just dive in?
don’t we all!? But the ocean has a way of pulling you in to a new adventure.

seas the day on the water — Watching the sunrise on the ocean is a sight that just makes my soul stop and breathe.
the day has not yet begun – and the energy of the world comes alive as the sky fills with color.

lead me to the beach — When I have a day that seems to never end, I always want to be near the water.
When I have a day near the water, I want it to never end.

take your own sunshine wherever you go! — The sun rises and sets over the water, but you can always have that sunshine in your heart.

Let the beach inspire you!

For me the water and sun are my inspiration!
Sitting in the ocean, and feeling the waves pull you out, and then crash against and over you – there is nothing like it.
The sun on your face as you close your eyes and breathe in the air is so refreshing. The inspiration I leave the beach with lasts the days until I return.
It is my favorite way to slow down.
How do you let the beach inspire you?
If you are looking for more inspiration – come check out my Pinterest board filed with ocean inspiration!

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April 27, 2019 By Melendy Johnson Leave a Comment

The best you can…

There are times in your life where others may look at you…talk to you…and say, ” You are doing the best you can.”
How does this make you feel?

For a long time – I saw this as a compliment – That others recognized my weaknesses, and saw me working through them. I was appreciative of the respect – attention, and understanding of my effort. In reality, I was so wrong.

What is ‘the best you can’? What does that mean? To me – it means, the end of your ability, your limits, your VO2 max as we say in the running world.
The best you can give should be the cream the crop – but – when we say “you’re doing the best you can…” do we mean it. Or are we trying to help someone else feel better about where they are?

When you make someone else feel better – do you not feel better yourself? I find this phrase so self serving. Making you feel better about telling someone else how well they are doing. Why not say – “I love how you rocked…” or “I appreciate your perspective on…” or “You are so great at creating…”. Instead we look to what others are doing – and we bring it down to a common denominator…the best you can…

What if the best you can hasn’t been found yet? What if the work you are doing today is setting you up to be better tomorrow? What if the best you can is not enough for you? I have been working on bettering myself.

For me – I have learned that “best” is not enough. I want to work for Better. Towards helping others. I do not want to settle for ” best I can” when that sounds like settling. I want to be Fucking amazing. I want to be the one people turn to for help. I want to be a part of a larger community of people who work to better each other. I want to do more – be more – learn more. People who want to be more find each other. They work together to be better – do better – know better.

Do you want more for yourself? Tell me about it!

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April 14, 2019 By Melendy Johnson Leave a Comment

Bitch

Bitch –
1- a female dog –

2 – a whiner –

3 – someone others hate because they tell the truth/stick up for themselves

I most often relate to number 3.

Years ago – if someone called me a bitch I would be offended. I would defend myself, change my opinion, and change how I was acting. Today, I own the title of “Bitch”.

I am probably called bitch more often behind my back than to my face – but that is because those that call me a bitch don’t know that I own it or they can’t own it for themselves.

I once believed that having my own opinions meant I wasn’t valuable to others. I held a lot of feelings to myself, and worried about what others thought of me. I now know that those opinions do not matter. That isn’t to say that I am nasty – but I do tell the truth – my truth – and share how I feel.

As a woman – I stand in a different space than many. I never believed that women needed to be treated differently. I was raised by a mom and a dad who taught me that I could do whatever I wanted. I always knew that men and women had different bodies, abilities, skill sets, and strengths. I know that we often fight to be seen/heard/appreciated but in reality we are seen/heard/appreciated but maybe not in the way others expected. I know that being a woman has it’s own special meaning – but – so does being a man.

Bitch

I stand differently because I like the fact that my husband and I hold different roles in our relationship. We do not have stereotypical jobs around the house – but – we share the work load fairly evenly. I am a mom to 3 boys, a teen, a tween, and a preteen. I am raising boys in a society that makes it hard to have a penis – hard to be a boy – because you’re shamed for how you feel. This shame leads to hiding, depression, and even self hate. And I am a mom who struggles with anxiety, a mom to boys with anxiety/depression/ suicidal thoughts. A mom who every day goes to bed praying her son is awake in the morning – and kisses her son goodbye every day praying he survives the day.

Bitch

I have had a rough start to this year. I thought I was enlightened and knew all about mental health. Then my son had a major setback. I was wrong. On day three I reached out to my doctor for Anti-Anxiety Medication because I wasn’t sure how to handle it all. She prescribed it – and I didn’t take it until last week. Four months…it took me four months to start taking the medication I asked for because I was afraid to start. Anxiety is not a taboo subject. Anxiety is something so many deal with. Depression is real, and I know I can be a Bitch.

Bitch

You see – my mom is my boss. I gave up my DS business when My oldest started showing signs of Major Depressive Disorder. It has been over a year since his initial symptoms, and 3 months since an official diagnosis for him, and I am grateful for a job. I teach 4 & 5 year olds how to be ready for school. I teach art, music, ELA, math, Emotions, language, and how to be a decent human being. Even in the midst of the creative artistry that is preschool teaching – I know that I am a bitch.

I do not apologize for this. I don’t want to. Because underneath that bitchiness is me – I actually am a nice person. I like nature, and art, and I am a fucking amazing singer. I would give you my last dollar if you were in need – and I spend a large majority of my time helping others. I coach youth, teach young minds, and moderate an online community that is all about mental, physical and spiritual health. I enjoy helping others solve problems.

But – I am also a bitch – and I am learning to own it.

What misconception about yourself do you wish others knew?

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April 6, 2019 By Melendy Johnson 2 Comments

Believing in yourself

Believing in myself was a journey that took many years. It started when I decided to invest in spending time saying yes to myself, and no to things that I did not enjoy doing.
Here are some of the steps I took to build my belief in myself – I hope they help you too.

a smile because I am worthy. I believe in myself .

1 – told myself it was ok to say no – This was really hard because my whole life I have been a people pleaser. I want to make others happy, and do not want to cause discord. I equated saying no with being disrespectful, or not helping others. I had a long conversation with a friend who reminded me that the only person I need to worry about letting down was myself. “When are you going to start believing in yourself?”, she asked. So, I dug deep and found the things that brought me joy – and if it didn’t bring me joy, I did not do it.

2 -figuring out what creative outlets worked best for me – I love art, creating it, looking at it, teaching others a little bit about it. Photography was one of my first passions. I took a black and white dark room photography class and it was so freeing to create. To take photos of the world around me, develop the film, and then put my headphones in and just create with the chemicals in the dark room. It was in that dark room that I realized that I love making things with my hands. showing others how I view the world.

3 – started reading – self help and fiction – I love to read. I just often feel like it is a waste of time to sit and read a book when there are dishes, or laundry, or children that need my attention. I often would stockpile books and only read ion the car on vacation. I switched to audio books, and started listening to self help books. I do this in the car when I am headed to and from, and that has allowed me to feel less guilty about the time I spend reading fiction. the self help books I listen to have given me moments to discover that a lot of what I feel is rooted in the past, and that – I need to learn to move forward.

4 – accountability partner – I joined a Master Class and part of the first assignment was being assigned an Accountability Partner. At first I wasn’t sure I wanted to do it. BUT – this woman has been a sounding board, a supporter, a life line – and an amazing friend. We don’t do things the same way at all – but we know each others dreams and desires, and we push each other when things get hairy. Having someone who you check in with regularly about your goals is a huge help to believing in yourself as it gives you someone to ground you. If you do not have one – I highly recommend it.

5 – hiring a running coach – I love to run. I am just not very good at it. I was always getting hurt, or signing up for races that I couldn’t finish without walking. I wanted more for myself. So I found a running coach that I respected. I spent 6 month working out with her. She would give me a weeks worth of workouts, with a long run on Saturdays at a gorgeous State Park. Having that Accountability of a coach I hired to teach me to run was huge – because, while I may not be her client anymore, I do still run. Everything I learned from her I “knew” but I had to discover it for myself.

6 – investing in professional development – Spending money on yourself is hard. I have had a shift over the last two years from that of starting my own DS business, to investing in growing my blog, and my influence to create a more “coaching” environment. I have grown my belief in myself to a point where I want to help others believe in themselves. The need to invest money in learning was a hard step to take – but once I realized it was the only way I could help others, it became the easy choice.

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7 – investing in personal development – Likewise, I needed to invest in my own personal development. Reading(listening) to books, listening to podcasts, spending time focused on my mental, emotional and physical health. When I made all of these investments in myself, I realized that the time, money, and energy I had spent was coming back ten fold. I realized I was worthy of the investment.

8 – spending time alone – This sounds so obvious – but – I never spent time alone. Once I realized that scheduling dates with myself were important, I started to believe in myself more. I schedule in bath time, walks, I take the backroads so that I have more time in the car alone. I go to bed early and sit on the deck with my coffee. Spending time with myself helps me to believe in myself because I remember who I am fighting for.

9 – spending time with friends – I suffered from severe social anxiety for years. I stuck to the same places, people, did the same things every day, every week so that I wouldn’t have to meet new people. In this process of believing in myself some of those walls faded away. I took a few more social risks. Met moms on the playground, talked to other parents at drop off and pick up. I worried less about what they thought of me. Actually- when we moved into our new neighborhood 3 years ago, I had a chance to become myself – instead of who I was pretending to be for years. I go out with these friends once a month. we spend time at each others homes, have cookouts, care for each others children with rides to and from school, pick ups from practice, and really created a community. It is hard to think of the time when I holed up inside and was afraid to go out for fear of what others think.

a few years ago when the boys were younger.

10 – Becoming a coach – When I decided to believe in myself – it gave me a chance to realize the ways I could help others. Our boys signed up for Track, and I of course started coaching. We were welcomed into a community. The running community stands strong. Helping teenage girls believe in themselves made me realize that my passion deep down was to be the person who helped others to find their best selves. When I gave to others was when I believed in myself the most. Now I get to ask, “When will you start believing in yourself?”

What will it take for you to start believing in yourself?
How can I help you do it?

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March 30, 2019 By Melendy Johnson 1 Comment

Mental Health and our family (contains sensitive content – trigger warning)

Mental Health affects everyone. Including me. This is a hard post to write, and It is written with the consent of our son, who is still struggling.

Our oldest son was a victim of bullying. He was told for over a year that he shouldn’t be alive, that he should take his own life. He thought he could handle it. He thought he could just push the words away.

He couldn’t.

A year ago I first heard the words “your son has claimed he wants to take his life”. I laughed. that sounds so horrible to me now. Our son is often dramatic, he actually loves drama, and is a wonderful actor. I was sure there was just a test he wanted out of, or a class he wanted to miss. When we arrived at school it all became clear this was not an act. we did the best we could having never dealt with anything this severe with our children before. He started therapy, and unfortunately, staff changed, and the therapist he ended up seeing was not a good fit. He seemed ok. I should have known. He asked to stop therapy. He asked, we discussed as a family, and we obliged. His consent and participation in therapy was the only way therapy would work.

The fall was pleasant. He started high school. Ran cross country. got a part in the school musical. Marched in the Marching band. His grades were wonderful. We thought that season of his life was behind us. How naive.

Fast forward to December – we had a few appointments after a meeting with school. We discovered just how deep his depression was, and just after New Years, we had to make a choice. We placed him in the care of the Children’s Mental Health Hospital. As a parent – Bradley Hospital was amazing. They loved our son, and helped him navigate through where he was at. He spent 11 days inpatient, and then 4 weeks in their partial program. Those moments are his – and I pray someday he will want to share. I can only give my perspective.

Finding a therapist that was a good fit for him has been hard. We still have not been able to secure a child psychiatrist who is accepting new patients for medication management. We have 4 different applications on his phone so we get notified if he types the words “I want to end my life, I am going to kill myself…” or any variation of this. He knows this – and in his clear moments he appreciates it. I wish all his moments could be clear.

I want to place him in a bubble and just remind him how loved he is, how much he is needed, how his Mental Health journey is not unique – there are so many people like him. People who feel like there is no choice. No voice. No place to turn. I want him and everyone that is dealing with this to know that they are loved. That SOMEONE cares. You are needed.

I ask our oldest for a quote after he read this – he said this was what spoke to him when he was at his darkest.

If you or someone you love needs help – call someone – 911, your doctor or here: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org

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March 28, 2019 By Melendy Johnson Leave a Comment

Be you

I have been told many times to “be you” by people. I am sure you have as well. What happens when you don’t know who you are?

As a child, I often liked things. The color grey. Donald Duck. Pigs. Nasa. Butter (don’t judge!)

I often was told that grey was not a color, Donald Duck was annoying, Pigs were gross, Nasa was for boys, and butter would make me fat. Everything I liked, I was told I couldn’t like. Not by my parents, they were so supportive of my choices. I was told by society, my teachers, friends, adults.Well meaning adults who thought they were giving me advice, but were dictating what I could like. Even as a child, the opinions of others mattered to me.

As an adult it has taken me a long time to realize who I truly am. I still like grey, but I also like purple. I still have a soft spot for Donald, but I also love Princess Aurora. Pigs are cute, but my dog is a better pet. I sobbed openly at the Kennedy Space center last summer as I looked at what was left of the Challenger (which, consequently, that traumatic day was my 6th Birthday). I am to this day a sauce, butter, flavor lover – to heck with the waistline when real food brings your heart joy!

When we let others dictate who we are, we give them a power they don’t deserve. Allowing someone else to dictate my favorites for so many years meant that when I grew up and became a teacher, I had to choose a favorite color, a favorite book, a favorite genre of music because adults just know their favorites, right? Wrong! Y Your opinions, tastes, habits, and friends can change based on who you’re becoming.

I often find that I am worried about what others think. Why do we do this to ourselves? I am not advocating that we go and hurt others feelings to protect our own. I am advocating that we have beliefs, and we hold firm to them. If you like Grey – Like grey! If you want butter on your bread – have the butter. If you in your heart need to move, sing, dance or jump to be happy – do it!

Go be you, and do not let others dictate who you are!

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March 23, 2019 By Melendy Johnson 1 Comment

recharge…or rebuild

recharge…

How tired are you?

Do you find sleep to be restful – or do you wake up longing to head back to bed?

Are you getting the recharge you need to be ready to face the day?

For many people I know, they aren’t rested.

I am guilty. I was not going to bed until midnight or later. Reading one last chapter, sending that email, making lists of “to do” items for the days ahead. I was having a hard time falling asleep, and then, I would hit the pillow, and it felt like I bounced off of it to start the next day. I felt like a zombie. I cannot even blame my children as they are all old enough to sleep through the night, and need to be dragged out of bed in the morning.

I realized something had to change. I had a shorter temper, and zero tolerance for bullshit. I wasn’t able to focus, my memory was lacking, and I just did not feel like myself. I needed to rebuild my sleep habits, and I knew it.

I started doing a few things to help me get more rest – and I hope they will be helpful for you. Please remember I am not a doctor – and none of my advice is medical – but remember to utilize your healthcare provider when you are concerned about your health.

The obvious number one: Go to bed earlier. There are nights that I am “in bed” at 8:30. I am not sleeping at that time, but, I am doing my bedtime routine. I clean my face, change into nightclothes, and spend the next hour or so making my lists, sending the emails, and then, drinking a glass of water. I do have a TV in my room. I often watch a new show in bed so that I stay alert for it, and then, turn it off.

Number 2: I set alarms. A lot of them. Not a 5:00, 5:01, 5:02…but a series of alarms all labeled with what I should be doing at that time. This has kept my mornings in routine. I am leaving the house with my list complete, and ready to teach my students for the day without concern.

Number 3 – I say no to things that will interfere with my time. This one took some time to realize. I was running my self ragged with a to do list for others, and not remembering to do for myself. I make sure that saying yes to something for someone else doesn’t mean a no to myself. Sometimes it means saying no to staying up.

Steve and Me after our most recent couples trip.

Number 4 – plan vacations. It is easier said than done. I make sure we have relaxing family, couples, and individual time off. I want to be sure we have a countdown to when we get to put our “lives on hold” and just be together. We sometimes do Disney, or a beach. Well- we usually do Disney cruise or Disney hotel even at the beach because 10 years ago we invested in the Disney vacation Club – and this way we have a “paid for” hotel for at least a week every year.

Number 5 – I do not stop myself from trying new things, or having things I love. If you say no to yourself, you only make yourself sad. This doesn’t mean I go hog wild doing everything – but, I do say yes to myself often, within reason. I also reach out to a few very close friends to talk through ideas I have. Having a good- trustworthy friend or two who doesn’t judge you- but will call out your bullshit is super important! Thanks Jaci!

my favorite chair – the clocks remind me there is always time for anything important.

Most importantly – do what works for you. Find a way to recharge. Go on a run, read a new book, go on a date, take a bath, drink the glass of wine, see the movie. Whatever way you recharge – make sure you put it on your to do list!

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March 14, 2019 By Melendy Johnson Leave a Comment

Filter not…

Filter: noun – a porous device for removing impurities…

Have you ever been driving. Looked out at the sun painting a gorgeous canvas on the sky as it starts to settle beneath the horizon? You stop to grab a picture, roll down the window, and when you lower your sunglasses to look at the photo the colors are gone?

Then you realize that you have been seeing this through your sunglasses. Your $16 Target branded polarized glasses – almost literally rose colored! What you thought you saw was a sea of vibrant color dancing through the sky is a just as beautiful less vibrant picture of beauty.

Yes – I took this photo through my sunglasses.

We often see a lot of life this way though, don’t we? That best friend’s Facebook page where everything is perfect. The actress you admire’s Party for her daughters 2nd birthday complete with a circus. The athlete who runs every race and mile with a smile on their face.

When these things are around you every day you start to doubt your worth because of others success. Maybe you stop doing something you love because you aren’t enough. For me, it was blogging. I loved putting word on paper (and eventually computer) and sharing it with the world. I knew my readers were few, but I didn’t write for them, I wrote for me at first. This blog is actually my third. I have been writing for years.

At one point I had a piece I really loved, and I auditioned to read it in a women’s blogging forum. I was told it was a worthy piece. It was one that spoke to my heart, and It stung so bad when I didn’t get chosen. My writing stopped. I let the lens of “you are only a good writer if you get to speak” take over my confidence that I am a good writer.

It took me 2 years to write again.

Now I am writing about the things I want to. Increasing my Social media presence to grow my readers, and deciding that I am not only a good writer – I am worthy of being a writer.

Filtering out impurities isn’t always a bad thing, but, when filter impurities out means they flow in- into your head/heart/sense of self – that is when we need to discover a better way to filter. Had I not discovered a better filter for my self worth – I never would have worn this dress – and I never would have been this confident! I want this for you as well.

What things do you want to do but stop in your tracks because of someone else’s filter affecting you? Changing you? Stopping you from being you? What can I do to support you in changing that?