Lifestyle with Melendy

a mom sharing her Recipes, Inspiration & Life

life

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Forty years…a party to remember

Forty – an age we all turn – and one my husband dreaded. I wanted to be sure he was able to celebrate in a way that made him enjoy it.

We have been tighter with our budget lately. Working towards saving for retirement (many years down the road), paying off debts, and just being more fiscally aware. I knew I needed to throw him a party – but also stay budget conscious!

So, I grabbed my best friend and we brainstormed all the ways we could celebrate Steve, and all that he is.

We set a plan – and everything was set. Then we actually looked at the schedule and realized there was a major event downtown – and plan a was. a no go. THE DAY BEFORE THE PARTY!

So – sitting in my hairdressers chair – frantically texting with my bestie – we laid down the most amazing party plans.

We started at our house with scotch/whisky, and food from our favorite local place The Thirsty Beaver. Wings, fried pickles, and pizza. good food for when you know there will be alcohol involved.

My friend drove her SUV, and we stayed sober to keep everyone safe. We headed out to The Axe Bar.

I was not sure what the night would be like, but – it was the most fun I think I have ever had on a low key night out.

  • my turn
  • the gang
  • seriously not what we expected
  • there was also a race…
  • the scene
  • the axes

Turning forty was definitely mentally tough for Steve, but, I think having his friends and the fun night we had made him realize that 40 does not mean over.

All in all this low key party was a fun night, and budget friendly. The food was spot on, decorations were low key, and I even created a slideshow of photos of Steve and got them playing on our TV to add to the fun.

Other ideas we had – but did not do:
skydiving – because Steve really wants to
bar hopping
party at our house with a band
send him and his friends away on a trip
rent out a room at a restaurant
rent fancy high end cars to drive around in
Party boat
Party bus

Basically – based on the budget we could have done any of these for a small amount of time – I was grateful we landed where we did.

How did you celebrate 40 – or how do you want to?

ME? when I turn forty – I want a fancy dinner, with my closest friends, and plenty of wine (read at a winery)…

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The best you can…

There are times in your life where others may look at you…talk to you…and say, ” You are doing the best you can.”
How does this make you feel?

For a long time – I saw this as a compliment – That others recognized my weaknesses, and saw me working through them. I was appreciative of the respect – attention, and understanding of my effort. In reality, I was so wrong.

What is ‘the best you can’? What does that mean? To me – it means, the end of your ability, your limits, your VO2 max as we say in the running world.
The best you can give should be the cream the crop – but – when we say “you’re doing the best you can…” do we mean it. Or are we trying to help someone else feel better about where they are?

When you make someone else feel better – do you not feel better yourself? I find this phrase so self serving. Making you feel better about telling someone else how well they are doing. Why not say – “I love how you rocked…” or “I appreciate your perspective on…” or “You are so great at creating…”. Instead we look to what others are doing – and we bring it down to a common denominator…the best you can…

What if the best you can hasn’t been found yet? What if the work you are doing today is setting you up to be better tomorrow? What if the best you can is not enough for you? I have been working on bettering myself.

For me – I have learned that “best” is not enough. I want to work for Better. Towards helping others. I do not want to settle for ” best I can” when that sounds like settling. I want to be Fucking amazing. I want to be the one people turn to for help. I want to be a part of a larger community of people who work to better each other. I want to do more – be more – learn more. People who want to be more find each other. They work together to be better – do better – know better.

Do you want more for yourself? Tell me about it!

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Bitch

Bitch –
1- a female dog –

2 – a whiner –

3 – someone others hate because they tell the truth/stick up for themselves

I most often relate to number 3.

Years ago – if someone called me a bitch I would be offended. I would defend myself, change my opinion, and change how I was acting. Today, I own the title of “Bitch”.

I am probably called bitch more often behind my back than to my face – but that is because those that call me a bitch don’t know that I own it or they can’t own it for themselves.

I once believed that having my own opinions meant I wasn’t valuable to others. I held a lot of feelings to myself, and worried about what others thought of me. I now know that those opinions do not matter. That isn’t to say that I am nasty – but I do tell the truth – my truth – and share how I feel.

As a woman – I stand in a different space than many. I never believed that women needed to be treated differently. I was raised by a mom and a dad who taught me that I could do whatever I wanted. I always knew that men and women had different bodies, abilities, skill sets, and strengths. I know that we often fight to be seen/heard/appreciated but in reality we are seen/heard/appreciated but maybe not in the way others expected. I know that being a woman has it’s own special meaning – but – so does being a man.

Bitch

I stand differently because I like the fact that my husband and I hold different roles in our relationship. We do not have stereotypical jobs around the house – but – we share the work load fairly evenly. I am a mom to 3 boys, a teen, a tween, and a preteen. I am raising boys in a society that makes it hard to have a penis – hard to be a boy – because you’re shamed for how you feel. This shame leads to hiding, depression, and even self hate. And I am a mom who struggles with anxiety, a mom to boys with anxiety/depression/ suicidal thoughts. A mom who every day goes to bed praying her son is awake in the morning – and kisses her son goodbye every day praying he survives the day.

Bitch

I have had a rough start to this year. I thought I was enlightened and knew all about mental health. Then my son had a major setback. I was wrong. On day three I reached out to my doctor for Anti-Anxiety Medication because I wasn’t sure how to handle it all. She prescribed it – and I didn’t take it until last week. Four months…it took me four months to start taking the medication I asked for because I was afraid to start. Anxiety is not a taboo subject. Anxiety is something so many deal with. Depression is real, and I know I can be a Bitch.

Bitch

You see – my mom is my boss. I gave up my DS business when My oldest started showing signs of Major Depressive Disorder. It has been over a year since his initial symptoms, and 3 months since an official diagnosis for him, and I am grateful for a job. I teach 4 & 5 year olds how to be ready for school. I teach art, music, ELA, math, Emotions, language, and how to be a decent human being. Even in the midst of the creative artistry that is preschool teaching – I know that I am a bitch.

I do not apologize for this. I don’t want to. Because underneath that bitchiness is me – I actually am a nice person. I like nature, and art, and I am a fucking amazing singer. I would give you my last dollar if you were in need – and I spend a large majority of my time helping others. I coach youth, teach young minds, and moderate an online community that is all about mental, physical and spiritual health. I enjoy helping others solve problems.

But – I am also a bitch – and I am learning to own it.

What misconception about yourself do you wish others knew?

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Believing in yourself

Believing in myself was a journey that took many years. It started when I decided to invest in spending time saying yes to myself, and no to things that I did not enjoy doing.
Here are some of the steps I took to build my belief in myself – I hope they help you too.

a smile because I am worthy. I believe in myself .


1 – told myself it was ok to say no – This was really hard because my whole life I have been a people pleaser. I want to make others happy, and do not want to cause discord. I equated saying no with being disrespectful, or not helping others. I had a long conversation with a friend who reminded me that the only person I need to worry about letting down was myself. “When are you going to start believing in yourself?”, she asked. So, I dug deep and found the things that brought me joy – and if it didn’t bring me joy, I did not do it.

2 -figuring out what creative outlets worked best for me – I love art, creating it, looking at it, teaching others a little bit about it. Photography was one of my first passions. I took a black and white dark room photography class and it was so freeing to create. To take photos of the world around me, develop the film, and then put my headphones in and just create with the chemicals in the dark room. It was in that dark room that I realized that I love making things with my hands. showing others how I view the world.

3 – started reading – self help and fiction – I love to read. I just often feel like it is a waste of time to sit and read a book when there are dishes, or laundry, or children that need my attention. I often would stockpile books and only read ion the car on vacation. I switched to audio books, and started listening to self help books. I do this in the car when I am headed to and from, and that has allowed me to feel less guilty about the time I spend reading fiction. the self help books I listen to have given me moments to discover that a lot of what I feel is rooted in the past, and that – I need to learn to move forward.

4 – accountability partner – I joined a Master Class and part of the first assignment was being assigned an Accountability Partner. At first I wasn’t sure I wanted to do it. BUT – this woman has been a sounding board, a supporter, a life line – and an amazing friend. We don’t do things the same way at all – but we know each others dreams and desires, and we push each other when things get hairy. Having someone who you check in with regularly about your goals is a huge help to believing in yourself as it gives you someone to ground you. If you do not have one – I highly recommend it.

5 – hiring a running coach – I love to run. I am just not very good at it. I was always getting hurt, or signing up for races that I couldn’t finish without walking. I wanted more for myself. So I found a running coach that I respected. I spent 6 month working out with her. She would give me a weeks worth of workouts, with a long run on Saturdays at a gorgeous State Park. Having that Accountability of a coach I hired to teach me to run was huge – because, while I may not be her client anymore, I do still run. Everything I learned from her I “knew” but I had to discover it for myself.

6 – investing in professional development – Spending money on yourself is hard. I have had a shift over the last two years from that of starting my own DS business, to investing in growing my blog, and my influence to create a more “coaching” environment. I have grown my belief in myself to a point where I want to help others believe in themselves. The need to invest money in learning was a hard step to take – but once I realized it was the only way I could help others, it became the easy choice.

Sassy Suite Premium Coaching Community - Elite Suite

7 – investing in personal development – Likewise, I needed to invest in my own personal development. Reading(listening) to books, listening to podcasts, spending time focused on my mental, emotional and physical health. When I made all of these investments in myself, I realized that the time, money, and energy I had spent was coming back ten fold. I realized I was worthy of the investment.

8 – spending time alone – This sounds so obvious – but – I never spent time alone. Once I realized that scheduling dates with myself were important, I started to believe in myself more. I schedule in bath time, walks, I take the backroads so that I have more time in the car alone. I go to bed early and sit on the deck with my coffee. Spending time with myself helps me to believe in myself because I remember who I am fighting for.

laughter is often wonderful medicine!

9 – spending time with friends – I suffered from severe social anxiety for years. I stuck to the same places, people, did the same things every day, every week so that I wouldn’t have to meet new people. In this process of believing in myself some of those walls faded away. I took a few more social risks. Met moms on the playground, talked to other parents at drop off and pick up. I worried less about what they thought of me. Actually- when we moved into our new neighborhood 3 years ago, I had a chance to become myself – instead of who I was pretending to be for years. I go out with these friends once a month. we spend time at each others homes, have cookouts, care for each others children with rides to and from school, pick ups from practice, and really created a community. It is hard to think of the time when I holed up inside and was afraid to go out for fear of what others think.

a few years ago when the boys were younger.

10 – Becoming a coach – When I decided to believe in myself – it gave me a chance to realize the ways I could help others. Our boys signed up for Track, and I of course started coaching. We were welcomed into a community. The running community stands strong. Helping teenage girls believe in themselves made me realize that my passion deep down was to be the person who helped others to find their best selves. When I gave to others was when I believed in myself the most. Now I get to ask, “When will you start believing in yourself?”

~

What will it take for you to start believing in yourself?
How can I help you do it?

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Design Yourself

Designing my identity online was not as hard as I thought. At first I was worried about what others might think. Don’t we all do that? I spent some time reflecting on what design elements I enjoyed about others branding, and then I dove in to this amazing free Mini Course from The Socialite Suite.

Free Mini Course: Create Your Suite Design Board


My strengths are in helping others, finding a need and finding a way to fill it, and creating appealing graphics. I used the steps in this course to create my new branding. I love that I have all of the elements together, and I am slowly incorporating it across my online presence.

Have you used the design course? If so – share your board here!

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Be you

I have been told many times to “be you” by people. I am sure you have as well. What happens when you don’t know who you are?

As a child, I often liked things. The color grey. Donald Duck. Pigs. Nasa. Butter (don’t judge!)

I often was told that grey was not a color, Donald Duck was annoying, Pigs were gross, Nasa was for boys, and butter would make me fat. Everything I liked, I was told I couldn’t like. Not by my parents, they were so supportive of my choices. I was told by society, my teachers, friends, adults.Well meaning adults who thought they were giving me advice, but were dictating what I could like. Even as a child, the opinions of others mattered to me.

As an adult it has taken me a long time to realize who I truly am. I still like grey, but I also like purple. I still have a soft spot for Donald, but I also love Princess Aurora. Pigs are cute, but my dog is a better pet. I sobbed openly at the Kennedy Space center last summer as I looked at what was left of the Challenger (which, consequently, that traumatic day was my 6th Birthday). I am to this day a sauce, butter, flavor lover – to heck with the waistline when real food brings your heart joy!

Childhood Dreams

When we let others dictate who we are, we give them a power they don’t deserve. Allowing someone else to dictate my favorites for so many years meant that when I grew up and became a teacher, I had to choose a favorite color, a favorite book, a favorite genre of music because adults just know their favorites, right? Wrong! Y Your opinions, tastes, habits, and friends can change based on who you’re becoming.

I often find that I am worried about what others think. Why do we do this to ourselves? I am not advocating that we go and hurt others feelings to protect our own. I am advocating that we have beliefs, and we hold firm to them. If you like Grey – Like grey! If you want butter on your bread – have the butter. If you in your heart need to move, sing, dance or jump to be happy – do it!

When you don’t worry about anyone- and find you – you have joy!

Go be you, and do not let others dictate who you are!

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Instagram Course

Do you use Instagram for business? Or even for your personal life? Do you want to be an influencer or even close to one? (Who doesn’t,  right?)

I have to say it is one of my favorite platforms for connecting with others. Everyday people posting beautiful photos of the life they are living. Sharing stories of their daily lives. Building relation ships with others based on what our daily lives look like.

Instagram was very foreign to me at first. My posts were random, not connected, and sometimes – re-posts of what others had posted. I did not fully understand the small minutia of Instagram. Then, I took an amazing video course offered by Sassy Suite. This course teaches hashtag strategy, content strategy, and how to use Instagram to connect with others. I love that the content is updated regularly and that you can use it to grow your presence on Instagram.
Sassy Suite Instagram video course

As a person who utilizes Instagram every day to share, find, and collaborate on content, I found this course to be perfect for my business.
I am currently blogging, creating content for other educators, and helping to lead a group of women towards better health of their mind, body, and spirit. I am finding so much information on IG, and utilizing the skills I learned to help others.

Through this community I have found fellow runners who push me to keep moving. I can watch as my Track and Field athletes move on to high school, and see their successes. We are able to support our fellow #interentbesties, and watch others rock their business. The tribe of supporters, and supporters I have on IG is like a family, and I am so grateful for the lesson I learned to grow that tribe!

Have you tried this course?
Do you utilize Instagram daily?

Share you experiences with me here!

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recharge…or rebuild

recharge…

How tired are you?

Do you find sleep to be restful – or do you wake up longing to head back to bed?

Are you getting the recharge you need to be ready to face the day?

For many people I know, they aren’t rested.

I am guilty. I was not going to bed until midnight or later. Reading one last chapter, sending that email, making lists of “to do” items for the days ahead. I was having a hard time falling asleep, and then, I would hit the pillow, and it felt like I bounced off of it to start the next day. I felt like a zombie. I cannot even blame my children as they are all old enough to sleep through the night, and need to be dragged out of bed in the morning.

I realized something had to change. I had a shorter temper, and zero tolerance for bullshit. I wasn’t able to focus, my memory was lacking, and I just did not feel like myself. I needed to rebuild my sleep habits, and I knew it.

I started doing a few things to help me get more rest – and I hope they will be helpful for you. Please remember I am not a doctor – and none of my advice is medical – but remember to utilize your healthcare provider when you are concerned about your health.

The obvious number one: Go to bed earlier. There are nights that I am “in bed” at 8:30. I am not sleeping at that time, but, I am doing my bedtime routine. I clean my face, change into nightclothes, and spend the next hour or so making my lists, sending the emails, and then, drinking a glass of water. I do have a TV in my room. I often watch a new show in bed so that I stay alert for it, and then, turn it off.

Number 2: I set alarms. A lot of them. Not a 5:00, 5:01, 5:02…but a series of alarms all labeled with what I should be doing at that time. This has kept my mornings in routine. I am leaving the house with my list complete, and ready to teach my students for the day without concern.

Number 3 – I say no to things that will interfere with my time. This one took some time to realize. I was running my self ragged with a to do list for others, and not remembering to do for myself. I make sure that saying yes to something for someone else doesn’t mean a no to myself. Sometimes it means saying no to staying up.

Steve and Me after our most recent couples trip.

Number 4 – plan vacations. It is easier said than done. I make sure we have relaxing family, couples, and individual time off. I want to be sure we have a countdown to when we get to put our “lives on hold” and just be together. We sometimes do Disney, or a beach. Well- we usually do Disney cruise or Disney hotel even at the beach because 10 years ago we invested in the Disney vacation Club – and this way we have a “paid for” hotel for at least a week every year.

Number 5 – I do not stop myself from trying new things, or having things I love. If you say no to yourself, you only make yourself sad. This doesn’t mean I go hog wild doing everything – but, I do say yes to myself often, within reason. I also reach out to a few very close friends to talk through ideas I have. Having a good- trustworthy friend or two who doesn’t judge you- but will call out your bullshit is super important! Thanks Jaci!

my favorite chair – the clocks remind me there is always time for anything important.

Most importantly – do what works for you. Find a way to recharge. Go on a run, read a new book, go on a date, take a bath, drink the glass of wine, see the movie. Whatever way you recharge – make sure you put it on your to do list!

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Filter not…

Filter: noun – a porous device for removing impurities…

Have you ever been driving. Looked out at the sun painting a gorgeous canvas on the sky as it starts to settle beneath the horizon? You stop to grab a picture, roll down the window, and when you lower your sunglasses to look at the photo the colors are gone?

Then you realize that you have been seeing this through your sunglasses. Your $16 Target branded polarized glasses – almost literally rose colored! What you thought you saw was a sea of vibrant color dancing through the sky is a just as beautiful less vibrant picture of beauty.

Yes – I took this photo through my sunglasses.

We often see a lot of life this way though, don’t we? That best friend’s Facebook page where everything is perfect. The actress you admire’s Party for her daughters 2nd birthday complete with a circus. The athlete who runs every race and mile with a smile on their face.

When these things are around you every day you start to doubt your worth because of others success. Maybe you stop doing something you love because you aren’t enough. For me, it was blogging. I loved putting word on paper (and eventually computer) and sharing it with the world. I knew my readers were few, but I didn’t write for them, I wrote for me at first. This blog is actually my third. I have been writing for years.

At one point I had a piece I really loved, and I auditioned to read it in a women’s blogging forum. I was told it was a worthy piece. It was one that spoke to my heart, and It stung so bad when I didn’t get chosen. My writing stopped. I let the lens of “you are only a good writer if you get to speak” take over my confidence that I am a good writer.

It took me 2 years to write again.

Now I am writing about the things I want to. Increasing my Social media presence to grow my readers, and deciding that I am not only a good writer – I am worthy of being a writer.

Filtering out impurities isn’t always a bad thing, but, when filter impurities out means they flow in- into your head/heart/sense of self – that is when we need to discover a better way to filter. Had I not discovered a better filter for my self worth – I never would have worn this dress – and I never would have been this confident! I want this for you as well.

What things do you want to do but stop in your tracks because of someone else’s filter affecting you? Changing you? Stopping you from being you? What can I do to support you in changing that?

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Stopping the guilt

How often do we guilt ourselves about the things in front of us?

The cookies in the staff room, the cake at the party, the cheese on our taco…

I have had an unhealthy relationship with food for a large part of my life. I eat my feelings, I am over weight, under nourished, and often guilt myself out of eating what I want because I don’t think it is what I “need”.

Today is my mom’s birthday. I knew there would be cupcakes in the staff room. I knew we would be encouraged to eat them, and I knew that I would want one. I dreaded eating it. I have been eating healthier options, smaller portions, and upping my hydration. So eating a cupcake the size of Texas was not in line with what I had been wanting to do for my health.

But you know what – I ate the fucking cupcake.

I ate it because I wanted to. Because I knew that cupcake was worth the calories in. I knew that celebrating my moms birthday was worth more than my waistline. I do not want to guilt anyone who counts calories, diets, or overall wants to watch what they put into their body. I am a track and field and cross country coach, a preschool teacher, and a mom. I know the importance of being careful what you put into your body. I also know the importance of your mental health when it comes to taking care of your body.

So – why do we feel guilty when we do something/eat something/buy something that we want?

Because we are programmed to feel that way. To not accept pleasure. To give more than we take. To please others.

I want to stop the guilt – not be a stone cold jerk – but – Eat the cake, or buy the dress, or go to the movies alone because we want to be alone – or say no to plans that don’t work for us. At the end of the day – being happy – truly happy – is so much more important than a number on the scale, the calories consumed – or the balance in our bank account.

So what can we do to stop this guilt?

For me, it means scheduling things I love. I go get my nails done every few weeks- no polish – just a naked manicure, cleaning my cuticles, a 30 minute period where someone else is taking care of me.

It means signing up for races I want to run and then doing them – no matter what my time will be, no matter how little prep time I have because of life.

It means going out with friends once a month, continuing to sing in the group I love, and coaching track and cross country because I love helping others.

And every now and then – it means eating the cupcake.

What do you do to lessen your guilt, and increase your happiness.