goals

Flashback to October of 2018

Me: hey – what do you think about me doing the Disney Princess AHlf Marathon Weekend fairytale Challenge?

Steve: um – What?

Me: I mean it – I want to train and go. Some of my friends will be running, and I want to do it.

Steve: Are you going to train for it?

Me: duh – of course I will! (I hope)

Steve: you know what sure – Happy Anniversary! (Buys plane ticket and race ticket)

Me: Thank you so much!!! I am so going to do all the things and make you proud!! Maybe even PR

Steve: you better train for this! 

Me: of course!

Life: (snickering in the background…) Hold my beer

Well – that’s how it felt. I started training with a few walk/run/walk training sessions, and my back started spasming. BAD. And I couldn’t walk. So I started PT, and I was ready to start running, and then, our family had a tragedy – I am not going to share the details – they aren’t mine to share. I will say that our oldest got sick, and needed hospitalization for a time, and I could’t train through it. He is and will be ok. I just couldn’t train – and it showed.

Here I was two weeks out from the race – with maybe 15 total miles of training under my belt. BUT I had made some huge lifestyle changes. Sleeping better, drinking more water, eating a little bit healthier. Not anything earth-shattering, or unobtainable – just the subtle changes. 

So race weekend comes.I stepped on a scale the day before I left – the HEAVIEST I HAVE EVER BEEN in my life – even with all the changes. 

I walked up to the starting line of the 10K feeling like an imposter. 

Was I pretending to be someone I wasn’t anymore? Could I really do this? What was I thinking?

Then – a video came on about the Children’s Miracle Network – the hospital charity that the Disney races work with. And the emotions of the past year came flooding in. 

I was openly sobbing at the start line, and people were noticing. A woman who was near me put her hand on my shoulder, and said – you can do this – and you will. I was so afraid that I was letting others down – I forgot that the person I was running for was me. 

The only person I would let down is myself. 

I would do this. 

I could do this.

And you know what?

When I flipped the script – I did.

The 10K was easier. 

I really love the 10K distance. Long enough to feel like an accomplishment – but you don’t feel like your legs weigh a million pounds after. 

I was able to run (jog)-walk- run(jog) the whole race. There was fun music, people cheering each other on, and the fun of running through the Epcot countries, and the Boardwalk/Yahtch/Beach walkway. The drum line at the end gave a good beat and helped me to want to move faster – be stronger. I was 8 minutes off of my PR Time, and grateful that I didn’t push too hard. 

The half was a completely different story. 

I was ready mentally – I thought, but- I knew physically it would be a battle.

I started really strong – probably way too fast – but strong. There was a pacer in front of me – and they were doing 30 seconds run – 30 seconds walk. I stayed with them for the first 2 plus miles – that is 28 minutes of pacing that helped me start the race and helped me to finish.

I stopped between mile 2 and 3 to help a woman who fell – and probably broke her ankle. we called for medics – got her off the course – and they eventually told me to go. so I started running again – without the pacer group – and just followed along as others were run/walk/running their way to the castle!

I was still smiling here because I was just shy of the 10k mark. After the 10K mark – we were on our way back to Epcot. It was a long road- with very little spectators, and it was getting hotter. I had my headphones – my new playlist – and I was just trying to run/walk/run as much as I could. I knew I was close to the 16 minute per mile mark, and I needed to just keep moving.

I started to taper off at mile 9. That was my wall. I got up the hill to mile 11 and just cried, I didn’t think my body would make it. I honestly almost quit. but then I remembered that at the other end was a group of women who pushed me to be here – who believed in me – and I could do 2 more miles. I cried through it – but – at 28 minutes longer than my first half marathon – I finished.

Running for me has always been about personal accomplishment. I ran these races for me – but I also ran these races for my dad – who gave me the running bug – my family who believed in me – and my athletes who I believe in. Also – for the women at the finish line. What do you do for you?

People often post what a difference a year makes. But – it isn’t until you experience such a year that you truly understand how a year can change everything. 

It isn’t so much the dates, the travel of time, but rather, the collection of events that make up that year. 

One year ago today, I was just returning home from travel. I had gone on a one week cruise, and then the day after returning from that, I had driven to South Carolina by myself for a training for my business a the time. I then drove over night by myself to get home, and was awake for 25 hours – I don’t recommend this. 

So of course, on the Monday when I was feeling ill, I assumed I had caught a bug. I upped my fluids, took some vitamin C, and went to bed early. The next morning I woke up with a fever. Not a large one – or so I thought. 

When my body was shaking, and my neck was so stiff I couldn’t turn my head, I knew I needed to panic – a little. 

I went to the doctor, and turns out I had a fever of 103- too high for an adult. And the combination of fever, stiff neck, and overall malaise led me to earn a trip to the ER. When I waited for 4 hours with chills to be seen. 

2 failed spinal taps, more blood draws than I remember, 3 MRI, one MRA, and several doctors later. I left the hospital with a diagnosis of A-Septic Meningitis. 

11 days in patient, in a bed, unable to move takes more of a toll on your body than you realize. 

I had a walker, and had PT to relearn how to walk. I had zero balance or stability for the first few weeks. It took 2 months – but I was almost back to normal walking at that point. and as a runner – this was hard to deal with.

I dove back in to coaching my track and field athletes, teaching little minds at the preschool, cooking food for my family, and closing my business. Before it was even a thing – I Marie Kondo’d my life. 

The after ripples are there. My memory still isn’t 100%, and every once in a while I have a tremor in my weakened right hand, and I have one more follow up with the neurosurgeon to be sure the “bent vein” in my brain is not an Aneurysm. Those things are so trivial compared to where I was one year ago. I was telling my family my wishes, loving my children, and having long talks with my husband about what I wanted for each of them. I DO NOT remember most of my inpatient stay – just bits and pieces sewn together like a movie on the silver screen. 

I was so discouraged, but then so hopeful. Medication started to work, PT made me stronger, and I had a fighting spirit in me to do more – to be more – to help others do the same. 

Today – one year later, I am in possession of 3 medals from two races this weekend. One for the 10K I ran on Saturday, and one for the Half Marathon I ran on Sunday – the other – a medal for completing the challenge of running both races. 

These races weren’t easy, and they definitely don’t define all of me – but – they did remind me how much I love to run – how good I feel when I complete a race – and the camaraderie of runners. As I defined on Facebook hours after the race – A runner is a different breed of human. 

A year of fighting with my body – working through the pain and the tears – being unabashedly selfish. Doing the things I needed to do for me, my family, my health – to be sure we have the time together we want to have – those are the things I have done to make things better for us. 

For me

Because it wasn’t until months later I truly realized that I almost died – and through almost dying – I realized the things that made me want to live – that I live for – that bring me Joy – and I made room for them.  All of them. 

I intend to keep running – and find a way to make my running mean more for others – sharing this story is a huge part of it. 

Want to hear about my races – find those here:

And – today – I am signing up for 2 more races – and will be completing this race again next year! Want to join me? stay tuned!