Lifestyle with Melendy

a mom sharing her Recipes, Inspiration & Life

anxiety

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The best you can…

There are times in your life where others may look at you…talk to you…and say, ” You are doing the best you can.”
How does this make you feel?

For a long time – I saw this as a compliment – That others recognized my weaknesses, and saw me working through them. I was appreciative of the respect – attention, and understanding of my effort. In reality, I was so wrong.

What is ‘the best you can’? What does that mean? To me – it means, the end of your ability, your limits, your VO2 max as we say in the running world.
The best you can give should be the cream the crop – but – when we say “you’re doing the best you can…” do we mean it. Or are we trying to help someone else feel better about where they are?

When you make someone else feel better – do you not feel better yourself? I find this phrase so self serving. Making you feel better about telling someone else how well they are doing. Why not say – “I love how you rocked…” or “I appreciate your perspective on…” or “You are so great at creating…”. Instead we look to what others are doing – and we bring it down to a common denominator…the best you can…

What if the best you can hasn’t been found yet? What if the work you are doing today is setting you up to be better tomorrow? What if the best you can is not enough for you? I have been working on bettering myself.

For me – I have learned that “best” is not enough. I want to work for Better. Towards helping others. I do not want to settle for ” best I can” when that sounds like settling. I want to be Fucking amazing. I want to be the one people turn to for help. I want to be a part of a larger community of people who work to better each other. I want to do more – be more – learn more. People who want to be more find each other. They work together to be better – do better – know better.

Do you want more for yourself? Tell me about it!

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Believing in yourself

Believing in myself was a journey that took many years. It started when I decided to invest in spending time saying yes to myself, and no to things that I did not enjoy doing.
Here are some of the steps I took to build my belief in myself – I hope they help you too.

a smile because I am worthy. I believe in myself .


1 – told myself it was ok to say no – This was really hard because my whole life I have been a people pleaser. I want to make others happy, and do not want to cause discord. I equated saying no with being disrespectful, or not helping others. I had a long conversation with a friend who reminded me that the only person I need to worry about letting down was myself. “When are you going to start believing in yourself?”, she asked. So, I dug deep and found the things that brought me joy – and if it didn’t bring me joy, I did not do it.

2 -figuring out what creative outlets worked best for me – I love art, creating it, looking at it, teaching others a little bit about it. Photography was one of my first passions. I took a black and white dark room photography class and it was so freeing to create. To take photos of the world around me, develop the film, and then put my headphones in and just create with the chemicals in the dark room. It was in that dark room that I realized that I love making things with my hands. showing others how I view the world.

3 – started reading – self help and fiction – I love to read. I just often feel like it is a waste of time to sit and read a book when there are dishes, or laundry, or children that need my attention. I often would stockpile books and only read ion the car on vacation. I switched to audio books, and started listening to self help books. I do this in the car when I am headed to and from, and that has allowed me to feel less guilty about the time I spend reading fiction. the self help books I listen to have given me moments to discover that a lot of what I feel is rooted in the past, and that – I need to learn to move forward.

4 – accountability partner – I joined a Master Class and part of the first assignment was being assigned an Accountability Partner. At first I wasn’t sure I wanted to do it. BUT – this woman has been a sounding board, a supporter, a life line – and an amazing friend. We don’t do things the same way at all – but we know each others dreams and desires, and we push each other when things get hairy. Having someone who you check in with regularly about your goals is a huge help to believing in yourself as it gives you someone to ground you. If you do not have one – I highly recommend it.

5 – hiring a running coach – I love to run. I am just not very good at it. I was always getting hurt, or signing up for races that I couldn’t finish without walking. I wanted more for myself. So I found a running coach that I respected. I spent 6 month working out with her. She would give me a weeks worth of workouts, with a long run on Saturdays at a gorgeous State Park. Having that Accountability of a coach I hired to teach me to run was huge – because, while I may not be her client anymore, I do still run. Everything I learned from her I “knew” but I had to discover it for myself.

6 – investing in professional development – Spending money on yourself is hard. I have had a shift over the last two years from that of starting my own DS business, to investing in growing my blog, and my influence to create a more “coaching” environment. I have grown my belief in myself to a point where I want to help others believe in themselves. The need to invest money in learning was a hard step to take – but once I realized it was the only way I could help others, it became the easy choice.

Sassy Suite Premium Coaching Community - Elite Suite

7 – investing in personal development – Likewise, I needed to invest in my own personal development. Reading(listening) to books, listening to podcasts, spending time focused on my mental, emotional and physical health. When I made all of these investments in myself, I realized that the time, money, and energy I had spent was coming back ten fold. I realized I was worthy of the investment.

8 – spending time alone – This sounds so obvious – but – I never spent time alone. Once I realized that scheduling dates with myself were important, I started to believe in myself more. I schedule in bath time, walks, I take the backroads so that I have more time in the car alone. I go to bed early and sit on the deck with my coffee. Spending time with myself helps me to believe in myself because I remember who I am fighting for.

laughter is often wonderful medicine!

9 – spending time with friends – I suffered from severe social anxiety for years. I stuck to the same places, people, did the same things every day, every week so that I wouldn’t have to meet new people. In this process of believing in myself some of those walls faded away. I took a few more social risks. Met moms on the playground, talked to other parents at drop off and pick up. I worried less about what they thought of me. Actually- when we moved into our new neighborhood 3 years ago, I had a chance to become myself – instead of who I was pretending to be for years. I go out with these friends once a month. we spend time at each others homes, have cookouts, care for each others children with rides to and from school, pick ups from practice, and really created a community. It is hard to think of the time when I holed up inside and was afraid to go out for fear of what others think.

a few years ago when the boys were younger.

10 – Becoming a coach – When I decided to believe in myself – it gave me a chance to realize the ways I could help others. Our boys signed up for Track, and I of course started coaching. We were welcomed into a community. The running community stands strong. Helping teenage girls believe in themselves made me realize that my passion deep down was to be the person who helped others to find their best selves. When I gave to others was when I believed in myself the most. Now I get to ask, “When will you start believing in yourself?”

~

What will it take for you to start believing in yourself?
How can I help you do it?

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Mental Health and our family (contains sensitive content – trigger warning)

Mental Health affects everyone. Including me. This is a hard post to write, and It is written with the consent of our son, who is still struggling.

Our oldest son was a victim of bullying. He was told for over a year that he shouldn’t be alive, that he should take his own life. He thought he could handle it. He thought he could just push the words away.

He couldn’t.

A year ago I first heard the words “your son has claimed he wants to take his life”. I laughed. that sounds so horrible to me now. Our son is often dramatic, he actually loves drama, and is a wonderful actor. I was sure there was just a test he wanted out of, or a class he wanted to miss. When we arrived at school it all became clear this was not an act. we did the best we could having never dealt with anything this severe with our children before. He started therapy, and unfortunately, staff changed, and the therapist he ended up seeing was not a good fit. He seemed ok. I should have known. He asked to stop therapy. He asked, we discussed as a family, and we obliged. His consent and participation in therapy was the only way therapy would work.

The fall was pleasant. He started high school. Ran cross country. got a part in the school musical. Marched in the Marching band. His grades were wonderful. We thought that season of his life was behind us. How naive.

Fast forward to December – we had a few appointments after a meeting with school. We discovered just how deep his depression was, and just after New Years, we had to make a choice. We placed him in the care of the Children’s Mental Health Hospital. As a parent – Bradley Hospital was amazing. They loved our son, and helped him navigate through where he was at. He spent 11 days inpatient, and then 4 weeks in their partial program. Those moments are his – and I pray someday he will want to share. I can only give my perspective.

Finding a therapist that was a good fit for him has been hard. We still have not been able to secure a child psychiatrist who is accepting new patients for medication management. We have 4 different applications on his phone so we get notified if he types the words “I want to end my life, I am going to kill myself…” or any variation of this. He knows this – and in his clear moments he appreciates it. I wish all his moments could be clear.

I want to place him in a bubble and just remind him how loved he is, how much he is needed, how his Mental Health journey is not unique – there are so many people like him. People who feel like there is no choice. No voice. No place to turn. I want him and everyone that is dealing with this to know that they are loved. That SOMEONE cares. You are needed.

I ask our oldest for a quote after he read this – he said this was what spoke to him when he was at his darkest.

If you or someone you love needs help – call someone – 911, your doctor or here: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org

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recharge…or rebuild

recharge…

How tired are you?

Do you find sleep to be restful – or do you wake up longing to head back to bed?

Are you getting the recharge you need to be ready to face the day?

For many people I know, they aren’t rested.

I am guilty. I was not going to bed until midnight or later. Reading one last chapter, sending that email, making lists of “to do” items for the days ahead. I was having a hard time falling asleep, and then, I would hit the pillow, and it felt like I bounced off of it to start the next day. I felt like a zombie. I cannot even blame my children as they are all old enough to sleep through the night, and need to be dragged out of bed in the morning.

I realized something had to change. I had a shorter temper, and zero tolerance for bullshit. I wasn’t able to focus, my memory was lacking, and I just did not feel like myself. I needed to rebuild my sleep habits, and I knew it.

I started doing a few things to help me get more rest – and I hope they will be helpful for you. Please remember I am not a doctor – and none of my advice is medical – but remember to utilize your healthcare provider when you are concerned about your health.

The obvious number one: Go to bed earlier. There are nights that I am “in bed” at 8:30. I am not sleeping at that time, but, I am doing my bedtime routine. I clean my face, change into nightclothes, and spend the next hour or so making my lists, sending the emails, and then, drinking a glass of water. I do have a TV in my room. I often watch a new show in bed so that I stay alert for it, and then, turn it off.

Number 2: I set alarms. A lot of them. Not a 5:00, 5:01, 5:02…but a series of alarms all labeled with what I should be doing at that time. This has kept my mornings in routine. I am leaving the house with my list complete, and ready to teach my students for the day without concern.

Number 3 – I say no to things that will interfere with my time. This one took some time to realize. I was running my self ragged with a to do list for others, and not remembering to do for myself. I make sure that saying yes to something for someone else doesn’t mean a no to myself. Sometimes it means saying no to staying up.

Steve and Me after our most recent couples trip.

Number 4 – plan vacations. It is easier said than done. I make sure we have relaxing family, couples, and individual time off. I want to be sure we have a countdown to when we get to put our “lives on hold” and just be together. We sometimes do Disney, or a beach. Well- we usually do Disney cruise or Disney hotel even at the beach because 10 years ago we invested in the Disney vacation Club – and this way we have a “paid for” hotel for at least a week every year.

Number 5 – I do not stop myself from trying new things, or having things I love. If you say no to yourself, you only make yourself sad. This doesn’t mean I go hog wild doing everything – but, I do say yes to myself often, within reason. I also reach out to a few very close friends to talk through ideas I have. Having a good- trustworthy friend or two who doesn’t judge you- but will call out your bullshit is super important! Thanks Jaci!

my favorite chair – the clocks remind me there is always time for anything important.

Most importantly – do what works for you. Find a way to recharge. Go on a run, read a new book, go on a date, take a bath, drink the glass of wine, see the movie. Whatever way you recharge – make sure you put it on your to do list!

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Stopping the guilt

How often do we guilt ourselves about the things in front of us?

The cookies in the staff room, the cake at the party, the cheese on our taco…

I have had an unhealthy relationship with food for a large part of my life. I eat my feelings, I am over weight, under nourished, and often guilt myself out of eating what I want because I don’t think it is what I “need”.

Today is my mom’s birthday. I knew there would be cupcakes in the staff room. I knew we would be encouraged to eat them, and I knew that I would want one. I dreaded eating it. I have been eating healthier options, smaller portions, and upping my hydration. So eating a cupcake the size of Texas was not in line with what I had been wanting to do for my health.

But you know what – I ate the fucking cupcake.

I ate it because I wanted to. Because I knew that cupcake was worth the calories in. I knew that celebrating my moms birthday was worth more than my waistline. I do not want to guilt anyone who counts calories, diets, or overall wants to watch what they put into their body. I am a track and field and cross country coach, a preschool teacher, and a mom. I know the importance of being careful what you put into your body. I also know the importance of your mental health when it comes to taking care of your body.

So – why do we feel guilty when we do something/eat something/buy something that we want?

Because we are programmed to feel that way. To not accept pleasure. To give more than we take. To please others.

I want to stop the guilt – not be a stone cold jerk – but – Eat the cake, or buy the dress, or go to the movies alone because we want to be alone – or say no to plans that don’t work for us. At the end of the day – being happy – truly happy – is so much more important than a number on the scale, the calories consumed – or the balance in our bank account.

So what can we do to stop this guilt?

For me, it means scheduling things I love. I go get my nails done every few weeks- no polish – just a naked manicure, cleaning my cuticles, a 30 minute period where someone else is taking care of me.

It means signing up for races I want to run and then doing them – no matter what my time will be, no matter how little prep time I have because of life.

It means going out with friends once a month, continuing to sing in the group I love, and coaching track and cross country because I love helping others.

And every now and then – it means eating the cupcake.

What do you do to lessen your guilt, and increase your happiness.

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A princess in running shoes…if only for a weekend


Flashback to October of 2018

Me: hey – what do you think about me doing the Disney Princess AHlf Marathon Weekend fairytale Challenge?

Steve: um – What?

Me: I mean it – I want to train and go. Some of my friends will be running, and I want to do it.

Steve: Are you going to train for it?

Me: duh – of course I will! (I hope)

Steve: you know what sure – Happy Anniversary! (Buys plane ticket and race ticket)

Me: Thank you so much!!! I am so going to do all the things and make you proud!! Maybe even PR

Steve: you better train for this! 

Me: of course!

Life: (snickering in the background…) Hold my beer

Well – that’s how it felt. I started training with a few walk/run/walk training sessions, and my back started spasming. BAD. And I couldn’t walk. So I started PT, and I was ready to start running, and then, our family had a tragedy – I am not going to share the details – they aren’t mine to share. I will say that our oldest got sick, and needed hospitalization for a time, and I could’t train through it. He is and will be ok. I just couldn’t train – and it showed.

Here I was two weeks out from the race – with maybe 15 total miles of training under my belt. BUT I had made some huge lifestyle changes. Sleeping better, drinking more water, eating a little bit healthier. Not anything earth-shattering, or unobtainable – just the subtle changes. 

So race weekend comes.I stepped on a scale the day before I left – the HEAVIEST I HAVE EVER BEEN in my life – even with all the changes. 

I walked up to the starting line of the 10K feeling like an imposter. 

Was I pretending to be someone I wasn’t anymore? Could I really do this? What was I thinking?

Then – a video came on about the Children’s Miracle Network – the hospital charity that the Disney races work with. And the emotions of the past year came flooding in. 

I was openly sobbing at the start line, and people were noticing. A woman who was near me put her hand on my shoulder, and said – you can do this – and you will. I was so afraid that I was letting others down – I forgot that the person I was running for was me. 

The only person I would let down is myself. 

I would do this. 

I could do this.

And you know what?

When I flipped the script – I did.

The 10K was easier. 

I really love the 10K distance. Long enough to feel like an accomplishment – but you don’t feel like your legs weigh a million pounds after. 

I was able to run (jog)-walk- run(jog) the whole race. There was fun music, people cheering each other on, and the fun of running through the Epcot countries, and the Boardwalk/Yahtch/Beach walkway. The drum line at the end gave a good beat and helped me to want to move faster – be stronger. I was 8 minutes off of my PR Time, and grateful that I didn’t push too hard. 

The half was a completely different story. 

I was ready mentally – I thought, but- I knew physically it would be a battle.

I started really strong – probably way too fast – but strong. There was a pacer in front of me – and they were doing 30 seconds run – 30 seconds walk. I stayed with them for the first 2 plus miles – that is 28 minutes of pacing that helped me start the race and helped me to finish.

I stopped between mile 2 and 3 to help a woman who fell – and probably broke her ankle. we called for medics – got her off the course – and they eventually told me to go. so I started running again – without the pacer group – and just followed along as others were run/walk/running their way to the castle!

I was still smiling here because I was just shy of the 10k mark. After the 10K mark – we were on our way back to Epcot. It was a long road- with very little spectators, and it was getting hotter. I had my headphones – my new playlist – and I was just trying to run/walk/run as much as I could. I knew I was close to the 16 minute per mile mark, and I needed to just keep moving.

I started to taper off at mile 9. That was my wall. I got up the hill to mile 11 and just cried, I didn’t think my body would make it. I honestly almost quit. but then I remembered that at the other end was a group of women who pushed me to be here – who believed in me – and I could do 2 more miles. I cried through it – but – at 28 minutes longer than my first half marathon – I finished.

Running for me has always been about personal accomplishment. I ran these races for me – but I also ran these races for my dad – who gave me the running bug – my family who believed in me – and my athletes who I believe in. Also – for the women at the finish line. What do you do for you?

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A Year in the making…aka fighting through the tears

People often post what a difference a year makes. But – it isn’t until you experience such a year that you truly understand how a year can change everything. 

It isn’t so much the dates, the travel of time, but rather, the collection of events that make up that year. 

One year ago today, I was just returning home from travel. I had gone on a one week cruise, and then the day after returning from that, I had driven to South Carolina by myself for a training for my business a the time. I then drove over night by myself to get home, and was awake for 25 hours – I don’t recommend this. 

So of course, on the Monday when I was feeling ill, I assumed I had caught a bug. I upped my fluids, took some vitamin C, and went to bed early. The next morning I woke up with a fever. Not a large one – or so I thought. 

When my body was shaking, and my neck was so stiff I couldn’t turn my head, I knew I needed to panic – a little. 

I went to the doctor, and turns out I had a fever of 103- too high for an adult. And the combination of fever, stiff neck, and overall malaise led me to earn a trip to the ER. When I waited for 4 hours with chills to be seen. 

2 failed spinal taps, more blood draws than I remember, 3 MRI, one MRA, and several doctors later. I left the hospital with a diagnosis of A-Septic Meningitis. 

11 days in patient, in a bed, unable to move takes more of a toll on your body than you realize. 

I had a walker, and had PT to relearn how to walk. I had zero balance or stability for the first few weeks. It took 2 months – but I was almost back to normal walking at that point. and as a runner – this was hard to deal with.

I dove back in to coaching my track and field athletes, teaching little minds at the preschool, cooking food for my family, and closing my business. Before it was even a thing – I Marie Kondo’d my life. 

The after ripples are there. My memory still isn’t 100%, and every once in a while I have a tremor in my weakened right hand, and I have one more follow up with the neurosurgeon to be sure the “bent vein” in my brain is not an Aneurysm. Those things are so trivial compared to where I was one year ago. I was telling my family my wishes, loving my children, and having long talks with my husband about what I wanted for each of them. I DO NOT remember most of my inpatient stay – just bits and pieces sewn together like a movie on the silver screen. 

I was so discouraged, but then so hopeful. Medication started to work, PT made me stronger, and I had a fighting spirit in me to do more – to be more – to help others do the same. 

Today – one year later, I am in possession of 3 medals from two races this weekend. One for the 10K I ran on Saturday, and one for the Half Marathon I ran on Sunday – the other – a medal for completing the challenge of running both races. 

These races weren’t easy, and they definitely don’t define all of me – but – they did remind me how much I love to run – how good I feel when I complete a race – and the camaraderie of runners. As I defined on Facebook hours after the race – A runner is a different breed of human. 

A year of fighting with my body – working through the pain and the tears – being unabashedly selfish. Doing the things I needed to do for me, my family, my health – to be sure we have the time together we want to have – those are the things I have done to make things better for us. 

For me

Because it wasn’t until months later I truly realized that I almost died – and through almost dying – I realized the things that made me want to live – that I live for – that bring me Joy – and I made room for them.  All of them. 

I intend to keep running – and find a way to make my running mean more for others – sharing this story is a huge part of it. 

Want to hear about my races – find those here:

And – today – I am signing up for 2 more races – and will be completing this race again next year! Want to join me? stay tuned!

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Surviving

Author note – I wrote this a year ago – and I was afraid to hit publish who am I to talk about survival – but – I did survive – I am publishing today as a part of the story I tell a year out – A look at my fresh memories here – and the recent Memories here -also – a look at who I am here – 

~~~~

The other side of Survival…

As a mom, heck as a woman, often times we get ill, and don’t do anything about it.
We think to ourselves it is just a cold, or the flu, or upset stomach and we do nothing about it. Sometimes- we don’t even do the resting we need to fully recover.
In February of this year(2018), I was blessed with an amazing month of travel. It started with the LuLaRoe Cruise. 7 nights on a ship with my husband, and so much training for my business. It was a dream vacation, and I loved every minute of it!
Then I got home, and drove from Rhode Island to South Carolina, for the Facebook Live Sale training that LuLaRoe offered. I drove there to save money, and drove home rather quickly.
I say all this to preface the “I am just tired/rundown/its the flu” that lead up to my very serious illness.

FULL DISCLOSER – My illness was not caused by this travel.

I got home from South Carolina, and I still had mild vertigo from the cruise. Then I gathered a headache, then I started to get a stiff neck…then the fever. I assumed it was the flu. So- the Monday feeling was- I just need a nap and more fluids, It must be the flu…
Tuesday morning was when the neck stiffness started, and it just got worse, so – by noon I called the doctor, made an appointment, and went in. For some reason I packed a bag – Just clothes, headphones, chargers, and toiletries. I guess I always pack a “just in case” bag. Deep down I was scared.

My doctor took my temp, and said – you aren’t going home…the rest is a blur… 9 days inpatient, MRI, MRA, Ct, X-ray, 2 Spinal Taps, Gallons of blood (or so it felt), crappy hospital food,  basic TV, missed Track events, hours alone, 3 days of isolation, Home with a walker, and home confinement,  no driving,  4 meds,  learning how to walk, trying to be a mom, rebuilding my business, self care, and being a wife, a friend, a sister, a daughter…I almost died…

I almost died…

That is the hardest thing to think about – because to me – I was just in pain. As each scan happened, incidental things would show up, blood work had a few flags. Nothing scary came back – in the end – Meningitis – which would have killed me if I had stayed on the couch and believed it was just the flu.

Now I don’t write this to scare you – but to talk about how surviving this scary ordeal was something I had to embrace. I had to admit I was sick, Admit I needed help, Go through the scans, and tests, and USE the freaking walker, and Allow all of our friends and family to bring us food, and I had to follow doctors orders and rest. For a month I was in bed by 6, and walking up and down the stairs was exhausting. I am now just over two months into recovery – two months into my new life, and I have discovered that survival, recovery, listening, take time.

My mindset was “It isn’t cancer. or It isn’t an aneurysm, or it wasn’t a car accident…But the reality is – I had to accept that I was sick, that I survived, and that I am in recovery.

What have you survived, and how did you recover?  What would you suggest to others to help them cope?

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Anxiety -Hiding in myself

Anxiety – is a feeling inside of you that never goes away.
I never felt comfortable in social situations. I would always be thinking –

“What if they don’t like me?”

“Am I dressed the right way?”

“Are they laughing at me?”

The cycle of internal speech I had learned from myself always answered back with-

“They don’t like you!”

“You look horrible/fat/ugly!”

“They are laughing at you”

The problem is, after years of this internal self dialogue, I stopped asking the questions, I assumed the answers, and I would come up with reasons not to go out, reasons not to show up, reasons to back out. I didn’t feel worthy of doing any of it.

The tipping point for me was one date night – Steve and I had a sitter, we had a plan to go see one of his friends at their restaurant, and we got dressed up, and we went out. We pulled into the parking lot, and I had a panic attack. I couldn’t open the door, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t go inside.  Steve was angry – he didn’t understand, and I was sad because I just wanted to be able to get dressed up and go out. The only person stopping me – was me.

This needed to change. I couldn’t be the wife he needed me to be, or the mom I needed to be if I couldn’t enjoy social situations. My anxiety was digging me into a hole where no one could come in and I couldn’t get out. I said stop – this needs more than I can do on my own. I talked to my doctor, and we decide to do something about it.

This was a time before LuLaRoe was in my life. This was a time when I was finishing college (as an adult) and trying to find my identity outside of mom, wife, sister, daughter, friend. I didn’t have a definition who I was. Those other definitions are amazing definitions if you feel complete. I did not. This is what needed to change. I set out a plan to be more intentional, take small steps, and change what I could.

A lot has changed since that date night. Through LuLaRoe, I have overcome many of my anxiety holds. I am constantly meeting new people, entering unfamiliar environments, and socializing with new people every day. Honestly, I  cannot pinpoint the moment the change happened, but I can say – I have never felt more alive. I get to meet new women every day. Women who are looking for a dress for a date, a chance to earn free clothes, women who haven’t worn a dress for years who slip one on and their eyes light up. I realized that if I hadn’t opened my doors, my home, my heart to welcoming others in, I wouldn’t have been able to offer that dress, those clothes, or that sparkle of joy in those women’s lives. I found my reason – my completion.

This weekend, I had a conversation with a friend, and she said something to me that made me realize, I needed another change. She said, “Melendy – you are an inspiration to me.” – what a powerful statement. Then, she continued to tell me that knowing where I was in my anxiety, and where I am now, she saw the ability to find herself through her own anxiety. She thought she needed a career to feel whole, but she has realized that being a wife/mom/friend made her feel fulfilled. Her joy is in being with her children and being present.

While we were talking, a third friend joined in the conversation. She informed friend ‘A’ that she was inspired by her ability to be home with her children…a table of inspiration. None of us walked into that room and said – I want to be an inspiration. We walked into the room and all thought let’s have a fun night. The next change I need to make is I need to talk about it more. I need others to know they are not alone. What is so wrong with being an inspiration, or even a launching point for others to find themselves.

Finding yourself. That is the hardest thing to do. Are there days it is hard? Of course there are,but I have grown from where I was. There is a confidence in myself, a confidence I didn’t know was deep down inside me. The cycle of self doubt and self destructive dialogue do show up on occasion- but they don’t have a place at my table anymore. I have set a place for – love – welcome – joy – sharing – friends – and living life!

What do you set a place for at your table?

Who can you inspire?

How can I help you?

(disclaimer – I am not a doctor, and If you are struggling with feelings of Anxiety or depression – you should seek help from a medial professional – and your friends and family you can find information here)

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smile – when you need some humor in your day

Smile

Who doesn’t love a good laugh? I know I do.

Laughter can come from the most random places. A quick text from a friend, an accidental spill,  a look between you and your lover. Any of these can create a sense of happiness that bubbles from your toes to your mouth and explodes in a roar!
Today, I stopped and had several moments of laughter. I had been feeling a little down, and I decided to change that. So I said yes to the play date, and the text from a friend, and the customer who wanted a close up. I smiled more, thought less, and I decided that my happiness is up to me.
We have so much to be happy about, but sometimes the “musts” in life creep in, they stop you from being happy about life, because you are focused on the musts, you can’t see the do’s. As someone who has suffered with postpartum depression, anxiety, and self doubt, I know when these feelings of gluing myself to the chair and never leaving my house start to sink in that I need to smile or laugh, or just feel the sun on my face.

It is NEVER easy to get up and do the things you need when you feel down. For a week, I have felt down. For a week I have been unsure, and two days ago I told Steve. Talking is always the first step… Today, Today I finally got out, I didn’t make an excuse. I went out, talked to other moms, was honest about how I was feeling, had a good laugh, and came home happy again. I am in no way 100%, but, I made progress. I smiled. I don’t ever talk to others about the darkness that creeps in, just Steve.   I am learning how to seek out the medicine I need to get through it – connections.

funny texts

Tonight, a text from a friend, a mom talk during a play date, and a hug and a smile from my love brought me back.
What brings you back?
What helps you to be okay again? to step out of your funk?
for me – sunshine, and laughter.

How can I help you get through?