1- a female dog –
2 – a whiner –
3 – someone others hate because they tell the truth/stick up for themselves
I most often relate to number 3.
Years ago – if someone called me a bitch I would be offended. I would defend myself, change my opinion, and change how I was acting. Today, I own the title of “Bitch”.
I am probably called bitch more often behind my back than to my face – but that is because those that call me a bitch don’t know that I own it or they can’t own it for themselves.
I once believed that having my own opinions meant I wasn’t valuable to others. I held a lot of feelings to myself, and worried about what others thought of me. I now know that those opinions do not matter. That isn’t to say that I am nasty – but I do tell the truth – my truth – and share how I feel.
As a woman – I stand in a different space than many. I never believed that women needed to be treated differently. I was raised by a mom and a dad who taught me that I could do whatever I wanted. I always knew that men and women had different bodies, abilities, skill sets, and strengths. I know that we often fight to be seen/heard/appreciated but in reality we are seen/heard/appreciated but maybe not in the way others expected. I know that being a woman has it’s own special meaning – but – so does being a man.
I stand differently because I like the fact that my husband and I hold different roles in our relationship. We do not have stereotypical jobs around the house – but – we share the work load fairly evenly. I am a mom to 3 boys, a teen, a tween, and a preteen. I am raising boys in a society that makes it hard to have a penis – hard to be a boy – because you’re shamed for how you feel. This shame leads to hiding, depression, and even self hate. And I am a mom who struggles with anxiety, a mom to boys with anxiety/depression/ suicidal thoughts. A mom who every day goes to bed praying her son is awake in the morning – and kisses her son goodbye every day praying he survives the day.
I have had a rough start to this year. I thought I was enlightened and knew all about mental health. Then my son had a major setback. I was wrong. On day three I reached out to my doctor for Anti-Anxiety Medication because I wasn’t sure how to handle it all. She prescribed it – and I didn’t take it until last week. Four months…it took me four months to start taking the medication I asked for because I was afraid to start. Anxiety is not a taboo subject. Anxiety is something so many deal with. Depression is real, and I know I can be a Bitch.
You see – my mom is my boss. I gave up my DS business when My oldest started showing signs of Major Depressive Disorder. It has been over a year since his initial symptoms, and 3 months since an official diagnosis for him, and I am grateful for a job. I teach 4 & 5 year olds how to be ready for school. I teach art, music, ELA, math, Emotions, language, and how to be a decent human being. Even in the midst of the creative artistry that is preschool teaching – I know that I am a bitch.
I do not apologize for this. I don’t want to. Because underneath that bitchiness is me – I actually am a nice person. I like nature, and art, and I am a fucking amazing singer. I would give you my last dollar if you were in need – and I spend a large majority of my time helping others. I coach youth, teach young minds, and moderate an online community that is all about mental, physical and spiritual health. I enjoy helping others solve problems.
But – I am also a bitch – and I am learning to own it.
What misconception about yourself do you wish others knew?